» Intense Friendships

Gay Pyro Gang
Back when i had friends some pretty odd stuff occurred, and it probably explains my absolute lack of male friends now.

My very closest friend was a product of 'geographical convenience' as bart simpson so heartlessly (and brilliantly) put it.

There was the over the top obsession with anal sex, which gripped nearly everyone in our circle. This later involved me tying to explain to 5 guys of average intelligence that 'doggie style' does not mean anal sex. They had such little interest in vaginal sex that they had no idea of the female anatomy. This just further compounded my fear of sleepover rape.

Then there was the pyro aspect, which really did get scary. Every time we got together to smoke and drink, someone would set something alight. Mostly it involved things which were controllable, but sometimes highly explosive substances were used in extremely foolish ways.

I remember one incident that involved a huge 'foam' block at a local dumping site (in the park, nice huh). My friend dropped a match into the block and watched it sink down, declaring "that wasnt very good". Moments later i was hitting a giant foam fireball with his golfclub shouting futile orders at him. We just ran in the end. He later moaned that his new golf club was black, as if i was the one throwing matches onto flammable substances.

I did get revenge for his utter pyro gayness though. When i had finally realized that i was more sexually and emotionally mature than all of my male counterparts i started to hang around with much older people. One day he tagged along with me to play football, and had to run "home for tea", leaving all his stuff in the park. The (older) group of us took great pleasure of setting a small bonfire of his stuff and then stuffing the charred remains of it down a near drainpipe. He came back an hour later telling us that "ive left all my stuff, and that new jumper costs my mum £50, im in trouble". "what stuff?" we asked.

Other shit happened which involves him getting seriously injured, but im not sadistic enough to share those laughs. Oh and i saw him recently, he didnt recognize me (thank the lord, noone from school does). Hes moved bck in down my road. Im too scared to drop by, because i was fairly recently told that he is gay and still talks about me as his dream guy. ( this explains the realtionship better than i could above. We went through some rough shit together, and it was obvious to me that i wasnt just a friend)

Sorry for the length and lack of laughs.
(Mon 31st Jul 2006, 5:01, More)