» Dumb things you've done

Hot Girl cools down
I was 17, had just bought my first car (Not a sexy car, but clean, reliable, and most importantly, had a huge back seat). One of the hottest girls in school had been very friendly with me, but I was still surprised when she agreed to go out.

Took her to this retro "drive-in" that's been there since the year one. (A place where the waitress brings your order out to your car on a tray -- an anachronism even back then.)

So I'm feeling great, sitting in my own car, with Hot Girl right next to me. She's laughing at all my jokes, and is flirting madly with me. She spills a small amount of Coke on the seat, and I realize we have no napkins ("serviettes" in the UK, I think?) to blot it up with. No problem, say I, I'll get some from the counter.

So I open the car door very carefully, due to the food tray hanging off the driver's side door. I trot up to the counter, grab a handful of napkins, and get back into the car.

And slam the car door.

Two giant cups of Coke flew across the car, drenching Hot Girl (and me) in cold Coke and crushed ice. That, combined with the cool Wisconsin air, quickly evaporated any passion she may have felt that evening.

The drive back to her house was very quiet.
(Sun 23rd Dec 2007, 1:06, More)

» Hotel Splendido

Not at a hotel,
but this happened at a restaurant the morning after staying at a hotel, so, close enough.

Being late risers, the SO and I dragged into a small-town restaurant around 10:30 for breakfast. In the small-town Midwestern (USA) tradition, the place offered an all-you-can-eat "early-bird special" lunch buffet.

As the SO and I ate breakfast, I noticed at the next table an elderly and very petite woman who was consuming amazing quantities of food (fried chicken, mostly). After watching this woman return from her third trip to the buffet table, I leaned towards the SO and said quietly, "Have you noticed how much food that old lady has been packing away?"

I had barely finished the sentence before a loud "UUUUUURRRRP" made us both look up, just in time to see the woman spewing copious amounts of vomit. Even Mr. Creosote would have been stunned at the sheer volume of it. The SO and I both jumped out of the way; the eruption came very near, but didn't actually hit us, except for a small spot that splashed onto the side of my shoe.

The smell filled the restaurant almost immediately. At this point, the SO and I were both struggling to not have a "sympathy puke". Green-faced, I went to the cashier to pay our bill. The manager, who didn't look too healthy himself, said "No charge. Just go."

(FWIW, this happened on the same trip as the previously-mentioned "Angry Chicken Incident")

Length? About 8 feet, including the splash.
(Fri 18th Jan 2008, 17:49, More)

» Dumb things you've done

I forgot to let Mr. Flywheel Cover be my friend
I had a "mini-bike" when I was 13. It was basically a small, extremely cheap motorcycle with a lawnmower engine. Because faster is always better, I made frequent modifications to the engine, one of which required removing the flywheel cover while the engine was running.

Around its circumference, the flywheel had dozens of sharp metal teeth which spun merrily around at several thousand RPM, just inches from my ankle. Ankle and flywheel were normally separated by the flywheel cover. But I thought it would be safe to ride it with the cover off for just one trip around the yard, if I was careful.

I wasn't quite careful enough. My right sock touched the flywheel's teeth, which immediately grabbed the sock and pulled it into the flywheel, taking my ankle along with it. The flywheel teeth then sliced efficiently into my flesh (this all happened in a fraction of a second) just as I approached my house.

My dad saw me leap off the mini-bike, blood dripping from the shredded remains of my sock; it was one of the few times I ever saw him look startled. He helped me hop into the house, where he performed basic first aid. He used several large bandages to hold the torn skin together, then told me to keep the leg elevated for a while.

As he was cleaning up the puddles of blood that I had trailed through the house, he said, "We won't mention this to your mother."
(Mon 24th Dec 2007, 13:42, More)

» Hotel Splendido

Where to begin, where to begin . . .
There are so many nasty ones, but these come to mind at the moment:

-There was the otherwise-nice hotel where a vehement argument wafting up from the room below was finally punctuated by a gunshot (yes, I got the hell out of there).

-I took my Significant Other to a highly-rated hotel for what was supposed to be a romantic getaway. Once in the room, we found that the bathroom was filthy, there were revolting stains on the bedspread, and the carpet was covered with what appeared to be a year's worth of their toenail clippings from an entire family. (got a different, much cleaner room, and an apology from the manager)

-After a long day on the road, I found a hotel that advertised itself as "quiet". As it turned out, the building itself didn't make much noise, but the parking lot was packed with motorcycles for some convention, so we were treated to roaring engines most of the night. The local gendarmes finally shut them down somewhere in the wee hours. (due to the Loud Engine Convention, there were no other rooms to be had anywhere in the area)

-At another hotel, I wound up in a room overlooking a railroad switching yard, where an idling diesel locomotive throbbed loudly the entire night, vibrating the windows and walls so hard that they rattled. I was told there were no other rooms available. The complete lack of sleep left me groggy, irritable, and stupid at a job interview the following morning.

-At a small hotel in Iowa, my Significant Other was attacked and chased by an angry chicken as she walked to our car. Being a true gentleman, I laughed hysterically while watching the bellicose fowl chase her, shrieking, around the parking lot.
(Fri 18th Jan 2008, 16:57, More)

» Expensive Mistakes

"...and coming up next, we'll have more obscenities for your listening pleasure"
As a student engineer at a radio station, I inadvertently played (on the air) a recording of myself spewing a torrent of obscenities after fouling up a recorded announcement. This might have resulted in a large fine for the radio station -- had anyone noticed. It probably helped that this happened on a weeknight, during the wee hours.

Length? Only 15 seconds for the announcement, but what seemed like an eternity waiting for the angry phone call(s) that never came.
(Tue 30th Oct 2007, 13:53, More)