b3ta.com user thorpe
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Recent front page messages:

The inevitible

(Wed 17th Nov 2010, 15:03, More)

Kitty Stardust

(Thu 5th Jun 2003, 13:01, More)

no idea why...

(Tue 1st Apr 2003, 13:23, More)

ban this sick sport...

(Tue 25th Jun 2002, 15:48, More)

if you're out clubbing this weekend
don't touch the widdecombes - they'll fuck you right up

(Mon 24th Jun 2002, 15:46, More)

Minger the Merciless

shonky I know, but it's a crap gag anyway
(Thu 20th Jun 2002, 10:56, More)


(Mon 10th Jun 2002, 10:05, More)

he's gonna regret that when he defects to Fark...

(Wed 15th May 2002, 12:00, More)

they discovered why the train crashed today...

(Fri 10th May 2002, 16:23, More)

strike one

(Tue 30th Apr 2002, 12:22, More)

Best answers to questions:

» Scars with history

my own fault
for trying to repair my mudguard whilst still cycling. I hit a stone and my finger went straight into the wheel. The bike stopped dead and I went flying over the top on the axis of my finger, jammed in the wheel.

I landed on my head (which hurt) and several x-rays later (to my hand and spine), the only damage was revealed to be a broken finger, shattered at the knuckle.

I've got some nasty scars where the hooks went in to hold the bone in place - lovely photo here. The finger started to turn on the knuckle as it healed, so they had to operate and basically twist the finger round by force.

I've got another operation this week, to try and free up the finger tip, which involves pulling the tendons out of the bone - the only risk being that the tendons could snap...
(Mon 7th Feb 2005, 13:22, More)

» Singing the wrong words

to the tune of "You to me are everything"
"Poo and wee are everything
the sweetest pong that I can ping
oh, gravy....oh, gravy."

I'm almost ashamed to write the words down...
(Thu 27th Jan 2005, 13:32, More)

» My Worst Vomit

not that much of a story
but when I first left home, I used to live with a mate in squalor, frankly.

After a party, one generous soul threw up all over the pile of washing up in the sink. We spent the next morning happily scrubbing the plates and attempting to squeeze bits stomach lining down the plughole with our rubber gloves.
(Mon 23rd Aug 2004, 17:02, More)

» Shit Stories

when I was in India
I managed to pick up Giardia - a nasty parasite which makes you shit water and lasted about a year, but I digress...

Whilst out there we met up with a sikh friend of my wife's who was there with her family. We went shopping in Simla which was all very nice and we all had a chortle over the garish orange toilet paper that we bought.

Later on, in a swish restaurant where we were being bought a delicious meal, my intestines did a flip flop and demanded emptying as soon as possible. I excused myself and rushed upstairs to the only toilet in the place, where I proceeded to pebble dash, well sandblast actually, the bowl. I wiped myself and then accidently dropped my garish orange loo roll in the toilet, forgetting that the Indian sewerage system can't take paper. The bowl was frankly an unholy mess.

As soon as I got back downstairs, my wife's friend's mother, a small, serious sikh lady, popped upstairs to use the loo before we left, not really expecting to be confronted with the orange toilet paper she had seen me buy, peppered with the slimey brown contents of my guts. She couldn't look me in the eye for the rest of the trip.
(Thu 6th May 2004, 15:23, More)