b3ta.com user BlackMagicWoman
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fun loving baby boomer!

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» Bedroom Disasters

Food foreplay
Many wavy lines ago i suggested to my (now ex) husband that we introduce food into our foreplay, to spice it up a bit. He brought a tin of peas. Giant marrowfat peas. Twat.
(Sat 25th Jun 2011, 11:28, More)

» Creepy!

Just married....or murdered?!
My son and I were out walking and taking photos in a lovely local nature spot near us, called Purdown. We had walked up, down all around, explored the old WW2 lookout bunkers and decided to head back to the car. We took a narrow path back down the hill, switching back and forth through trees and bushes. This was on one if the last glorious sunny days last year before the chill set in, and the play of light through some undergrowth was perfect photo material. I got camera out and was snapping away in an arty farty fashion and i looked behind me to see how much room on the path i had to move around on.

There, shining in the sun were 2 framed photos resting against a hedge. They were quite low down so me and my son crouched down to have look. They first photo showed a couple in wedding clothes, smiling for the camera while the 2nd was of the same couple but obviously about 10-15years later. The photos were in good condition so im not sure how long they were there. My son said " perhaps they were murdered in these bushes and this is a memorial". I looked at tbe dark trees and bushes and freaked out! I nearly tripped over running back to the car and very nearly pooed myself thinkin some one was watching us from the bushes.....
(Sat 9th Apr 2011, 20:21, More)

» The Boss

he's a patronising
TWAT, and he's a cunt and all.
Looks like Where's Wally in a suit, talks shit, patronises us all and does a terrible line in regional accent impersonations. He never tries to do mine tho' - he knows I think he's a twat.His trademark saying?
(Fri 19th Jun 2009, 22:20, More)

» Stupid Dares

I dared my colleague at work to snort the wasabi out of my lunchtime pack of sushi, for the contents of our staff swear box. After a bit of hesitation and deliberation, the bald headed idiot then decided that it was a good idea and promptly squeezed the wasabi paste (paste, mind!) onto his desk, and took out a fiver for the 'straw'... after the mega countdown 5,4,3,2,1! ...he snorted said paste right up his nostril - and screamed his head off!! Baldy went redder than usual and did a delightful little dance round his desk! When his eyes had stopped watering enough to count the contents of the swear box, he discovered £2.75p and a wedge of I.O.U's...hehehe
(Sun 4th Nov 2007, 20:10, More)

» Unexpected Nudity

what a right tit
Not too much nudity, but deffo unexpected! When I was 18, I was teaching my younger brother to dive in our local swimming baths. I would dive in, then get out and show him how to stand, etc, then watch while he did it. After diving this one time, I got out of the pool and walked around to where my brother was sitting on the side, but noticed some of the lads were giggling and looking away when I passed. "Stupid b*****ds", I said to myself, then my brother jumped in the water as I approached him, pissing himself laughing. Just then the attendant came up to me and said 'ere what are you trying to do? cheer us all up?' - he pointed to my chest, and I nearly died with embarassment! My bikini top was around my neck and my young pert boobies were staring at everyone! I jumped in the water myself, and hit my brother for not telling me!
(Sun 31st May 2009, 12:42, More)
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