» Stupid Dares

My dumb housemate
Hey folks, my first post here, long time lurker though.

I have a dumb housemate, I will call him Lee, for that is his name etc. He is like a labrador puppy, always eager to please and open to suggestion.

One summer evening he spied a can of aerosol Deep Heat I had for a sprained knee.
'Can I spray some on my knees?' he asked.
'Sure' says I, 'Knock yourself out'
He goes and sprays a liberal amount on his knees and shortly I hear him from another room exclaiming how hot it was.

Roll on a couple of days and he sees the can again. Having just shaved his head I see a possible dare.
'Spray some on your head' I suggested, he complied
'It's well hot.'
'Spray some on your balls, I dare you.'
'OK!'
Having done that, he claimed that rather than hurting, it felt alright and was actually rather pleasurable.
'Try your bellend.' He actualy did it, I couldn't believe he was going through with it. After that I suggested he sprayed someon his rusty sherrif's badge which he again did. When the heat relly started to kick in he was getting noticeably more worked up. To cool him down I suggested he take a nice little run in the street, only, because of the areas affected he should do it naked.

As he sprinted off down the street wearing nothing but a stupid grin and a pair of socks he stopped to wave at a middle aged lady who was walking home, she didn't look so much shocked and offended as mildly bemused and maybe a little intrigued.

What was his prize for all of this? A half empty can of Deep Heat.

Apologies for length, but even with a cool breeze on the nuts it was hanging loose.

Back to the lurking for me.
(Wed 7th Nov 2007, 0:54, More)

» Conspiracy theory nutters

conspiracy theorist nutters? Meet 'em every day.
As a psychiatric nurse on an intensive care unit I meet all sorts of conspiracy theory nutters on a daily basis. Some of them are more entertaining than others, some of them are actually quite convincing, and others are just plain scary.

Just today I was told by one particularly charming chap that my place of work was "not a hospital, it's a prison to cover up torture rape and murder" just before asking for a light. This fellow also has a delusional conspiracy theory that is so unbelievably wide ranging and all encompassing that if he was able to write it all down he could probably sell it to hollywood. It includes Nazis, Russians, Identity theft. The lot. And it's surprisingly consistent.

His main story starts from the age of 12, when he was in hospital with a broken leg. He believes that he was tossed off by a nurse, and his high protein porridge was then used to create an army of super soldier clones. He was also apparently subject to much derision following a channel 4 documentary with a transvestite who looked just like him, with the film makers even going to the lengths of giving him a mole on his face so that he would look more like the man on the documentary. He delivers all this in the flattest possible monotone, and he just talks and talks at you until you switch off. He even stays monotone when he's calling you a paedo and accusing you of raping babies or telling you that you have just committed treason by giving an injection to a distant relative of the royal family.

All in all, he's not a very nice man, and as unprofessional as it may sound I have great difficulty in sympathising with him as he is always admitted due to non-compliance with his medication and illicit drug use (although he blames 'claustrophobia' and 'sleep deprivation' for his paranoia).
(Mon 31st Aug 2009, 21:17, More)