b3ta.com user El_diablo_blanco
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» Old stuff I still know

To my unborn (and unconceived) children
You will never know the joys of:

- taping songs off the radio
- rewinding video rentals back to the start
- finding timid porn in a hedge (I had a single picture of a naked Pam Anderson circa 1993/94ish. That had to do)
- Encarta '95 (the internet on a CD)
- Finding things out randomly and having to take people's word for it
- Daft rumours being spread around music festivals because of the isolation from the outside world (the general concern for Elton John's death was particularly heartfelt)
- Picking up the house phone and not knowing who it is
- Picking up the house phone at all
- Smoking in pubs
- Fixing a games console by blowing into it
- Changing the channel without a remote
- Finding out games cheats from magazines, C4's Games Master and/or friends who had seen games master or bought a magazine
(Thu 30th Jun 2011, 20:57, More)

» Caught!

I was thirteen........
and 2 of my mates had being banging on about this hoover, and how if you sit on it - with it's sheer power and force you could drive around on it like a go-kart.

Obviously I was suspicious of this, but this hype continued for weeks, until finally the day came, where they let me have a go of this powerhouse of a machine.

So eventually I'm brought around to my mate's house where I'm introduced to the beast, and I was sadly disappointed to find a standard small green household hoover - but they insist I sit on it, and one of them plonks a helmet on my head for added retardation.

At this moment one of the lads bursts out with a camera to take a long lost picture of me clutching a tiny green machine while wearing a white bicycle helmet.

They called me Warren for two years after that (as in There's Something About Mary).

Those brilliant, brilliant bastards!
(Tue 8th Jun 2010, 12:59, More)

» Random Acts of Kindness

I should let someone else go first
(Thu 9th Feb 2012, 13:05, More)

» Tactless

I'm having great difficulty hanging posters up

(Fri 4th Nov 2011, 8:15, More)

» Amazing displays of ignorance

Over the years, I have been known for the odd moment of gullibility,
including some absolute doosies, but that is no excuse for the following. This was one of my more Paris Hilton-esque moments of absolute idiocy, which I can only blame on a not so pleasant hangover. Not that this is a valid defence.

I was in a friend's house a few years ago, putting cans in the fridge when I noticed that there were eggs in the egg tray.

Me: "I've never actually seen anyone use the egg-tray in their fridge"
Friend: "Yes, they're cat eggs so they need to be kept cool"
Me: "Cat eggs? Really?"
Friend: "Yes, you get them in the ethnic-food section of Tesco"

It took about a full minute for the cogs in my head to start turning and realise that I had been had. The damage had been done though.
(Thu 18th Mar 2010, 19:32, More)
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