» Shoplifting

not really shop lifting, but who feels the need to be accurate to the QOTW anyway?
When my parents were renovating our house (which they needed to do as the back verandah led to the bathroom and was so rotten that it would not hold the weight of an anorexic rat), they didn't have much money. At all.
Seriously, we did't even have beds, just matresses on the floor, but my parents were wise enough to see that owning their own place was more important than air flow inder the matress.....
back to the point-ish

They did a nice big fancy 3 room, 2 level double brick extension on the back of our house.

How did they afford this?

My dad worked at the brickworks and they were allowed to take the occasional brick that got a bit mucked up, like if the temperature was too high or they were left in the kiln too long.

So he and his mates made sure that all the bricks were rejects until dad had enough for his extension. And then they helped him take them all home.

Dad built the extension himself, so it all worked out pretty much free.

I know I'm not a master storyteller or anything, but I thought the story somewhat fitting, so please be kind.
(Sat 12th Jan 2008, 2:17, More)

» School Projects

Not so much a school project as the results of one
In yr8 (14 years old) woodwork we were making something inane- moneyboxes? Something like that. In any case my teacher had forgotten how extremely accident prone I was and let me loose on a band saw.

At first I was cutting straight lines and I was fine. Confidence building I go for my first curve. Hang on, thinks I, the saw isn't going as fast- I know, I'll push harder. There, that works.

I think anyone who has ever used a band saw can figure out what happens next.

You finish the corner and the saw goes zipping through the rest of the wood in 2 seconds flat and takes off the end of my finger. It was my ring finger on the left hand, right through the nail and you could see the end of the bone.

I'm pretty sure I was in quite severe shock at this point as instead of screaming loud enough to get the required attention I meekly put my finger in my mouth and went over to my teacher. The exchange went somehting like this-

"Mr Whetton?"

"Excuse me Misskitty, you can see I'm with another student. You know how to wait your turn, now do it."

So I stand there going slowly paler and paler with my finger stuck in my mouth waiting for him to finish explaining some technical peice of crap or other to another student. Then he turns to me.

"Ok Misskitty, what can I help you with?"

At this point I merely took my finger out of my mouth to show him. I really didn't understand the reaction I got until much later when he described to me what he saw before him.

A 14 year old female student with whiter than white skin pulls her finger out of her mouth, blood starts running out of her mouth, as her finger sprays blood at his face. Blood is also running down her hand so fast that within a few seconds it's covered her hand and hit the floor where it is making a quite significant puddle.

Though he said the worst bit was when I tried to start talking, blood was still filling my mouth so when I tried to explain I'd hurt myself it came bubbling up through my lips over my chin and soaking my shirt.

I got the rest of the day off to lay in the sickbay.

Not very well told, but true story. My finger grew back fine but the teacher never looked at me the same. Never ignored me when I walked up to him again either.
(Wed 19th Aug 2009, 4:36, More)

» Pointless Experiments

tiger balm
My friend Nic lived with Rocky, who was a dirty dendrophiliac hippy with erectile disfunction.

Rocky came to Nic for advice with his problem, as his girlfriend was sick of the failed sexy times and was threatening to leave him if it did not get sorted out.

Nic told Rocky of the marvelous healing properties of Tiger Balm. He said the gentle heating would encourage blood to his littlerocky and stimulate the gf in unimaginable ways.

Cue several days later Nic can hear excted moans coming from Rocky's room followed by sulky arguing. It had happened again.

Then he heard Rocky saying loudly
"Don't worry, I've got a solution!"
and bounding to the bathroom to acquire the magic cream.

About 2 minutes later this was followed by screams. they started as screams of pure agony as his man bits burned and his hope of the sexy time dwindled forever and then they changed.

They became screams of rage as the hippy realised he had been duped.

Cue one naked screaming hippy holding his burning cock in one hand, runnign through the house bellowing

"Nic! You Fucker! I'll fucking kill you!!!!!"

It was at this point that Rocky remembered that Nic had guests over and that he'd just run into a room filled with, now very amused, 16 year old girls and a few of his closest friends.
(Wed 30th Jul 2008, 2:19, More)

» Public Transport Trauma

dirty bum
I was on the train to Sydney one day and saw the grossest thing I've ever had the displeasure of seeing (and I've seen fat, hairy 55 year old men in rubber g strings being spanked).

It was an early morning commuter train, so a fair number of the passengers were sleeping. Most of them did it every day and were well prepared with blankets and blow up pillows, especially as this was winter.

The passenger sitting on the other side of the aisle from me she must have had a cold as she kept sniffing, but was sleeping comfortably so didn't stop the filthy (and I mean covered in dirt and stinking) homeless man from sitting in the vacant seat next to her.

Now, being winter and this man having nowhere to live, he'd picked up a cold himself and was wheezing away for a good five minutes before it occured.

He hacked and coughed for about 10 seconds and then the greenest, thickest, rankest peice of lung cheese came flying out of his mouth and landed on her hand. He must have been embarresed by the occurance as he promptly got up and shuffled off.

The wetness on her hand must have awoken the lady as she slowly opened her eyes and looked at it.
Seeing no one (she thought) looking at her and with no evidence that anyone else could have done it, she leant down and quickly sucked it into her mouth, hoping no one had noticed.

I nearly threw up and then nearly choked laughing, but the lady, none the wiser, calmly went back to sleep.

I shudder to think what she caught by ingesting that, but I think it does show that what you don't know CAN hurt you.
(Sat 31st May 2008, 2:48, More)

» Unexpected Nudity

Tenuous link to the topic warning
I’ve mentioned the ex third wheel in my relationship here before but never described her physically (at least I don’t think I have), she was (probably still is but I couldn’t care less whether or not she’s still alive TBH) quite short, about 5’3 or 5’4 to my 5’10 and MrKitty’s 6’2 with very pale skin, a fine boned face, a slim body and a predilection for complete hairlessness way before it was commonplace.

Then she started overdoing the drugs a bit and became very slim. You know the look, mosquito bite tits and all the curves lost. I didn’t complain as by this stage she was the responsibility of her bf, Josh, not me.

So one night we went out, as you do, and the next morning Bec (ex), Josh, MrKitty and I all accompanied our friends Belle and Neil back to their place to carry on the off faced fun throughout the day with all the blinds firmly shut before hitting the town again that night. This being back when youthful exuberance and drugs allow you to really make a weekend of it- Friday night, Saturday day and night awake and trashed, home on Sunday to sleep it of and back to work/ study on Monday.

We were physically comfortable with each other. Each member of the group either had fucked each other, wanted to fuck each other or had heard in graphic detail about how each other fucked. This was all supposed to be secret with only the participants knowing about each episode but that all fell apart when someone mentioned cats screaming and everyone looked at Bec and started laughing. Everyone was looking at each other and realisation dawned on us simultaneously that we’d all heard Bec coming. We’d all fucked her. Then the rest came streaming out. After that the girls of the group would quite happily be naked around each other and hang around in knickers with the boys and the boys would get around topless and we all shared each others clothes when required or wished.

Neil was dealing pills back then and as close friends of the dealer we regularly helped him eat any profit he may have hoped to make from the venture. By early Saturday evening we had consumed about a half weight of speed and 4 or so pills each.

Then Bec demands another. As she is clearly wasted already Belle only allows her a half and they split the pill. 10 mins later Bec decides she feels sick and wants a bath. But she cannot be left alone. So first Belle and I accompany her, then she decides she wants Belle to fetch MrKitty, then Josh and we’re all running around fetching ice cubes, juice, tea, any and everything she wants as we know she’s a drama queen and almost definitely doing this for attention so we may as well give her what she wants. After a bit she fells better and drys herself off and pulls on a fluffy bath robe.

All is good for about an hour and then she says she’s sick again, only this time her eyes are rolling back and she’s sweating so we take her seriously and call the ambos. They turn up and we open the door to the apartment. The look in their eyes causes us to look at the group of us from a slightly different perspective- theirs.

3 early to late 20’s boys, topless in skin tight pants and make up. 2 early 20’s girls in miniskirts, bras and heavy eye make up and 1 apparent preteen, naked beneath an open bathrobe stumbling around like she’s been rohypnoed up good and proper.

We looked like a freaky goth-y swingers club who’d dateraped someone’s kid.

Even though she was fine 10 minutes later, the ambo’s insisted on removing her from the premises until she showed her id, proving that she was 20.

I’ve been called a freak, a psycho and had many weird looks in my time but I’ll never forget the time the ambo’s thought I was a pedophile
(Sat 30th May 2009, 2:53, More)