» Workplace Boredom

warehouse fun!
after two years of being a lurker finally have a story to tell :)
I have a few work boredom stories,from several work places.
First one being at an industrial laurndrette,being a temp with my mate and my ex girlfriend.we made a great impression with my mate smashing a 9ft strip light from the ceiling with a section of the racking we were building.after being given our duties to fill the racking with nice soft fresh clean table clothes,we left on our own,oh what a mistake :)
On came the ipods and made beds out of the newly furnished shelves and got two hours shut eye.then had a quicky session off hide the sausage with my ex misses while my mate was flat out three aisles away.staked a few more aisles and got another few hours sleep untill home time.we repeated this every day we were there,we were almost rumbled when my mate forgot to wake at the right time and found himself staring at the bosses wifes ankles.
Next we amused ourselves by exploring the companies newly bought warehouses where we found this old fashioned caravan at the back of this warehouse.we went in as youthfull curiousty took over and found the bedroom/toilet of a hobo,complete with urine stained matteress,empty bottles of cheap rum and obviously used copies of the sport.cue a quick exit for us and made it back just in time for a quick nap before the bosses routine check.
Skip forward a few years and we find me hard at work at the local food dispenser,known for its being good with money and rather annoying christmas adverts with a stupid song which was played over and over again on the in store stereo.there we find pheonix,his mate from back at the laundrette and another mate from back at school,with the last being our supervisor we obviously shirked our duties in search of more fun things to do than stacking shelves and helping old biddies read price labels.
From the year ive been there we got up to a fair few larks including:
Turning one of the new lads into a cardboard optimus prime,
Finding the biggest super bouncey ball and throwing it between us getting further and further apart down the aisles.
Spending the hour we have to wait behind after the shop shuts for a delivery reading all the lads magazines and smoking
Finding ways to annoy the most rude and pompus member of staff with merry pranks such as piercing one of those liquid washing tablets and slipping it on to his stool as he sat down.
Pushing one of the others around on empty closed cages at high speeds untill they either puked or crashed into something
I have a few vids of our highjinks so if you want me to upload em click i like this.

Length?wanted to pop it properly!
(Thu 8th Jan 2009, 20:22, More)

» Doctors, Nurses, Dentists and Hospitals

allergy related
I'm allergic to peanuts, not so severe that I cant be in the same room, but I have to take a trip to the hospital to get some adrenaline pumped into me.So with the back story done lets take a trip down memory lane

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~wooooo wavy lines~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back when I was around 13 we were on holiday in sunny (read: shite) blackpool. it was a family friend's birthday and had the customary cake.I chomped down a slice of the bugger. Unluckily for me it was chocked full of peanuts and not just full I mean it was basically 1000's of peanuts wrapped in icing how the hell did i miss that?!?
so cue some vomiting and tightening of the throat its time for a trip to the hospital.
Get there and get sat in the dirtiest waiting room I have ever seen (been in a few hospitals as I have asthma to) and sit opposite a guy with a giant shard of glass sticking out of his upper arm.
I'm rushed to a bed (woooo for priority illness!) and they set up a drip. I'm sure that the nurse to see to me was a student. Actually I pray that she was.
She gets out a cannula and goes for the back of the hand. Took three shots to get it right:
1st shot: straight through the vain.switch hands
2nd shot: too shallow miss the vain and come out of the skin the other side.switch hands
3rd shot: wooooo she get its. however....she left the cap off.
little fact, blood pours out of veins like the Niagra falls. all over the bed, all over the paper towel like beds. everywhere!!!!!!
However she saved me, and all in all the NHS have kept me going over many years. They are true heros in my eyes, they did everything they could to save my mum from cancer, and even though they couldnt they worked there ass's off for her and did everything they could to make her last minutes comfortable.
End transmission
(Sun 14th Mar 2010, 23:37, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

school computers
let me take you back to the year of 2005.
----wavy lines----
picture a slightly younger better looking pheonix, with long 80's hair and a penchant for motley crue as well as a 6th former. 6th form was a a great year in high school for me, being one of the "popular kids" hanging around in the common room (playing poker),driving cars, cutting to the front of the dinner queue (best part :-D) as well as the most annoying childish (and most geekiest) pranks ever.
including the following:
-distract a friend and highlight all is work folders/documents/as many files as you can get your pointer on and hit enter.cue 5 mins of loading (typical high school computers running at full tilt i.e. slower than a turtle),crashing,and reboot. Total time of annoyance 10mins.(double points for getting the person back) (triple points doing it too an uber-nerd and ****ing em right off) (a million points for doing it to the teacher)
-hide the taskbar,set the background to a screenshot of tubgirl in I.E and minimize everything and let the person spend 10mins frantically clicking the X button and ctrl-tab-del in a panic before someone notices.
-changing the auto-correct in MS word to include the words "the" and "and" into the words "gay" and "pussy".great on people that dont look at the screen and type. one friends auto-correct was changed so that the words and was changed to gay and his surname changed to likes big fat donkey balls in his mouth.

This may all seem childish but nothing compares to one friend. he was the kind of childish spiteful person that was also very freaking sneaky. any prank pulled upon him would be met with revenge,however instead of doing it himself and igniting a spite war he'd coerce another friend to do the childish deed and insure they'd get caught thus starting the battle of children between two other people.

best childish moment has to be sellotaping all of one friends books together and filling their bag with hundreds of truth cards (pieces of the paper with the word gay on.) and sitting in the corner snickering whilst laying wait.

we weren't homophobic we were just childish

I apologize for nothing...
(Mon 21st Sep 2009, 22:47, More)

» Vomit Pt2

at uni....
my 21st birthday happened to land on the unis pup quiz night. As was the custom for 21sts the birthday boy (i.e. Me) was set up a round of traffic lights which was a shot of cherry sourz a shot of jack daniels a shot of apple sourz and a pint of cider all to be downed one after another without stopping or a forfeit shot was given.i just could not down the last pint in one go so i had to have another shot of jack daniels.as it was early in the night before the quiz started i was safe for a while.let me stress that a while.we strolled off to the quiz with the ex ex mrs pheonix who was a right arguable twunt.

The quiz started and we drank and laughed as merrily as pirates after kidnapping a couple of brits.we actjually did quite well in the quiz with the help of the old 118 people.however even with the help we lost.however two other teams drew and as such a competition was held.a member of each team had to go up and down a pint of baked beans ice and fresh orange all blended together in what was dubbed "the smoothie from hell" whoever downed it fastest won the quiz.some bloke won and i said to the ex "i bet i could down that" she replies like the twunt bitch she was with "shut up ya prick no cudnt".next second the dj comes over the tannoy saying we still have a pint of smoothie left whoever gets up here first and downs wins a free drink.up i was and to the front like a white linford christie on steroids nailed the disgusting brew and returned with a double jack and coke.smuggly i turned to ex wench "told ya!" little was i to know that i would recieve my comeupance.

We drank the night away and boy did we drink.returning back to hulls things took a turn for the worse.the grumbles of the deep dark pit that is now my pickled stomach were becoming more and more frequent.
"uh oh.....blaghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"says i as a torrent of cheap beer beans and fresh orange sprinkled with lumonescent matter forced its way quite projectily from my gob.
Now im used to being sick from over indulgabce of the old moonshine but that was vile.the hard lumps of fully formed beans clogged my throat activating my gag reflex again and again.but the worst part was that it was ICE COLD!!!urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
take my advice never do something that invlolves downing ice cold beans.

No appologies for length it set a record of 3m of sick down the hallway.:-D
(Sun 10th Jan 2010, 15:38, More)

» Schadenfreude

the cold
just to today me and mrs pheonix where sat waiting to pull out of the multi story and across the way a family were walking down the ice covered pavement. The middle child must of been around 12 - 13 and was wearing only a tee shirt even tho it was about 3 below.as i turned to the misses muttered summat about the idiot farther lettiing her out like that when girl slipped ares over tit straight onto her arse. Cue her looking around in embarresment spotting me and misses creased up laughing.she knew we were laughing at her as we had our fingers pointed straight at her.the poor girl started crying even harder so when her dad gave her a good bollocking for crying.kinda feel sorry for her now tho she must have been freezing!!ah well it was fun at the time :-)
(Sun 20th Dec 2009, 18:05, More)