» Booze Related Disasters

Not me but a friend...
Many moons ago when we were young students in Bradford a friend of mine had a birthday, as you do. We did the usual drinking to excess in the very cheep bars around the Uni all day and then repaired to 'Pickwicks' nightclub for some cheeky after hours. My friend (lets call him Russ, as that's his name) decided he'd had enough and partied out. On the walk home he discovered that he rather desperately needed a shit, but the walk wasn't too long and so he wasn't too worried. Not too worried that is until he got home and checked his pockets to find that he didn't have his front door key. No problem thought Russ, I'll go round the back to the kitchen door and see if its open. It wasn't. However Russ spied that one of the kitchen windows was slightly ajar, and so he decided that he'd haul himself through the window. All well and good until he got himself half way through the window when he slipped, the window sill hit his bowel and he shat himself! There was only one thing left to do, so he pulled himself through the window in to the kitchen, shook the shit into a bin bag, placed his trousers and pants in the washing machine. Then to bed, but Rus couldn't get into the rest of the house as the door from the kitchen was locked for added security, so Russ passed out behind the door. A few hours later the Russ's house mates returned to be greeted by an awful smell. They hunted high and low for the source of the stench, and eventually found Russ asleep in his own filth. Now this would have been bad enough, but not only had Russ passed a perfectly functioning outside toilet at the back of his house, but he had his house key on a string round his neck so he wouldn't lose it!!! What a fuck wit.
(Fri 19th Mar 2004, 11:56, More)