b3ta.com user ParaSitius
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» Cunning Plans

I have a great plan.
Everyone 'like' this post and get it to the top of the front page for no other reason then for shits and giggles.
(Tue 10th Jul 2012, 11:24, More)

» Unusual talents

I can predict the future...
and I predict that this post won't get enough clicks to make it on to the most popular page.
(Mon 22nd Nov 2010, 13:55, More)

» I'm glad nobody saw me

By thunder...
Last night I had a couple of hot dogs with fried onions, LOTS of fried onions. I don't know about you folks but fried onions has an effect on my guts which leads to nice build up excess gas that the following day feels the need to escape.

The moment I woke up this morning, I'm parping like an over excited trumpet player, I could almost play a pitch perfect rendition of God Save the Queen.

Parp in the shower (nice echo effect there), parp eating breakfast, parp in the car on the way to work. I'm having a parping good time, and thankfully these farts of thunder don't smell... at least I don't think they do.

Of course, I can't exactly parp once I got to the office, what with it being open planned and my colleagues being mostly of the female persuasion. So, much sneaky parpiness is required where I raise one arse cheek off my chair and gently let loose a fart-light.

Time passes as it does and people go in and out of the office, meetings to attend, coffee breaks to be had, gossiping to gossip over. The office at lunch time is fairly quite with me and only a couple of other ladies in the office,

I've got a pair of headphones on listening to some tunes to get me through a particular tedious bit of repetition when I feel the pressure building down below. This one felt like a doozy, I knew it was gonna be a special one, the thumping tunes I'm listening to seem to be aiding on the build up of pressure. I'm so caught up in the music though that I'm not thinking and without any sort of hesitation I let loose a thunderous thunderclap of a fart that shook my seat and rattled the fillings in my teeth. I was quite surprised by the ferocity of it that it drowned out the music I was listening too.

I was pleased and gave it a hearty 10/10.

Then my brain kicked in when I realised where I was, a look around the office thankfully showed that I was on my own.

Releived that no-one heard the wonderpuff I settled back down and carried on working, though I do admit to being slightly disappointed that it wasn't a shared experience.
(Tue 1st Feb 2011, 16:35, More)

» Crappy relationships

What is Love?
Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more.
(Mon 25th Oct 2010, 17:31, More)

» The Apocalypse

If a nuke goes off nearby
I shall be all British and stand tall with a stiff upper lip and shake my fist in defiance at the mushroom cloud.

Have at you.
(Tue 19th Jun 2012, 12:15, More)
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