b3ta.com user the_caretaker
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» I witnessed a crime

A Mans's Gotta Do What a Man's Gotta Do.
I was walking home from my now fiancee's house around midnight. It was freezing and the trip was gonna take me at least 45mins to get home (i was on foot). My fiancee had very kindly made me a hot drink before i left. Due to the cold weather and a lack of big coat i was now bursting for a Pee. Still thinks me 'I can hold it for a while longer'. As I walk between a row of houses I can smell burning. Turning the corner I can see flames!! Someone had set fire to this poor family's fence. Right near their back door. No fag ends, No matches - just flames !!. So me in a moment of madness thinks 'If i hammer on the door long enough I might wake someone up'. No chance! - ok its midnight, its freezing outside. Who in their right mind is gonna get out of bed to answer the door to a complete stranger. After what felt like ages of banging I gave up. but still it was my civic duty to do something, So I whipped out my own
personal (bladder powered)fire extinguisher and wee'd on the base of fire till it was out. The people in the house will never know that that night their lives were saved by a total stranger, although they might have been aware of a strange urine smell in their back garden.
(Tue 19th Feb 2008, 21:54, More)

» Have you ever seen a dead body?

Dead Sheepish?
I remember when I was much younger, A friend of the family. Who I now regard as the closest thing to a dad, used to take us (Me and my Brother) out on trips to explore the ruins of disused WWII airfields ( where I live there are loads of them). So being the impulsive kids we were, we pretty much ran out of the house when He said we were going exploring again. With the sound of my mums voice ringing in my ears saying 'Don't you dare get them dirty!', we dived in his car.

After a longer than usual drive we stopped at this unusual group of hills and got out.
Round the corner we spotted an old Pill-Box and headed straight for it. It was incredible the hills were actually dug out (for storage i assume) and there were tunnels and trenches running between them. Fumbling around in my pockets I quickly came up with a 9V battery and a green LED. It was a torch McGuyver would have been proud of. So into the tunnels we went....
As I was leading the way I strode in to a big dark room (still underground) and stood on a rock. My brother and 'Dad' followed a while later.
Their eyesight is much better than mine and after a while my 'Dad' said 'I don't think you should be standing on that'. Me being at that weird inquisitve age said 'Why?' and shone my torch to the 'rock' I was standing on. Only to find I was actually standing on the carcass of a DEAD SHEEP!!! - It must have been there a while because all the wool was gone and the skin had started to cling to the bones. In the green light of my 'LED-Torch' it looked grim. I didn't dare look for the head. I was freaked out for the rest of the trip and the journey home. Strangely My brother and my 'Dad' found it highly amusing.
(Tue 4th Mar 2008, 20:45, More)