» This book changed my life

All Creatures Great and Small
all Creatures is the story of a young man that's just graduated veterinary school and the trials and tribulations he faces while establishing his practice.

Tis one of the best books ever written. I've read it many, many times over the years. Not only is it a great read with interesting characters and cuddly vet stories, but it taught me that men can be compassionate, caring, strong and love tiny little animals. Really, I learned a lot about how to be a man from that book.

I urge anyone with children to let them read this book around puberty.

It's also got a great bit where he's elbow deep in a sheep trying to pull out a ewe - if you're into that kinda thing.
(Thu 15th May 2008, 19:25, More)

» Common

Apparently, I may be the only one...
...that, as a child, would use the toliet, stand up after pooping, pirouette myself in front of the mirror and watch myself wiping to make sure all was clean. Tis easy - stand parallel to the mirror, facing away. Twist your whole body to the right so you can see the mirror. Hold one cheek with your left hand and wipe with the right. Tall people may have to stoop slightly.

If it was particularly awful offal, I'd get a wet paper towel and mop up before wiping again.

Once adequately wiped, little apathy would look back and spread his cheeks apart with both hands to make sure that the poop deck was well-scrubbed and presentable.

Bathrooms without a mirror were so frustrating. Young-me was forced to just keep wiping and wiping until the paper was whiter than Amy Winehouse's sugar-boogers or my tiny balloon-knot was too sore (yes, you can, and will, get a sore starfish-mouth from over-wiping with poor quality paper). I'd wait for the handicap stall at any movie, concert or outing; I'd lie and tell the inquisitive that I was claustrophobic.

I didn't know this was wrong or unusual until my early teens. A kid I knew was watching me under the partition of a men's room at the mall whilst I shat. He ran out and told my friends; they mocked me and thought this was the stupidest thing they'd ever heard. I thought blindly smearing shit around on your ass while dragging your knuckles through used toilet water was orders of magnitude more retarded. They also thought I much stranger than the little shit who was watching me shit!?

I only changed my wiping methodology because of baby wipes. Whoever invented the travel-size baby wipe packet should get a Nobel Prize.

If cleanliness is next to godliness, my asshole is the second coming.
(Thu 16th Oct 2008, 20:20, More)

» My most treasured possession

My new rock
I went to Hawaii last summer for a week with three friends. One night we drove a few hours to Volcano National Park to see the new lava flows.

It really is amazing to see the angry-colon colored lava pour forth from cracks in the earth into the ocean. There is much steam and all sorts of violent popping noises involved.

After dawn, I found a relatively new outcropping and broke a fist-sized chunk off and took it. It is the only new rock I've ever owned. Previous to this trip, I've only ever had previously owned stones.
(Mon 12th May 2008, 20:42, More)

» Pet Peeves

Overly Courteous Drivers Should F#ck Themselves
I ride my bike to work a few days a week and around town a few others. I wear a helmet, stay in the bike lane, keep my eyes and ears on the road and generally try to be nice to other people.

What pisses me off is god damned drivers that insist I go first. I'll stop at an intersection and wave them on. Even if it is all clear, some old hag in a car much to large for her arthritic paws to control will stop dead and insist I go. I'll flail about like a seizing mongo trying to get her to go. Finally, I just have to sit there with my arms crossed until he/she goes. This breaks up my rhythm and generally pisses everyone off.

When a cyclist gives you the right of way, f#cking go. I don't care if you want to stare at their ass as they ride by or are worried I'll be unable to make it across the road without you blocking traffic. If you get the wave or nod, just move your ass already.
(Fri 2nd May 2008, 16:19, More)