b3ta.com user Lip Up Fatty
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aka Lord Dave the Almight Pizza Eater!

or so it says whenever i log into the Dominos Pizza website!

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Best answers to questions:

» Tales of the Unexplained

Chased by a coffin....
This happened a few years ago and it's true!

I left the local pub at about 11pm, got to the top of my road and I could hear a tap tap tap behind me....

Looked back and there was a coffin! I stopped and the coffin was still there....I took one step forward and the copped hopped forward!

I started to run for my life but the bloody coffin was behind me, I reached my front door and managed to open it and shut it before it could get me....

Then the coffin started to knock the door down!

As it crashed through my front door I ran upstairs in terror and hid in the bathroom....

I could hear the coffin hopping up the stairs and looking in all the bedrooms.....

Then it tried the door handle, realising it was locked it started to try and break through the door....I was shitting myself so much my ring was goatse size!

It broke through the door and in my desperation I started to throw things at it....

I was throwing everything I could find, towels, tampons, cotton wool balls, shaving foam and nothing would stop it!

It slowly started hopping towards me and in my desperation I started to throw the contents on the medicine cupboard at it....

Strepsils....no good

Aspirin....no good

And in my desperation I threw a bottle of Benylin at it!

And the coffin stopped.
(Fri 4th Jul 2008, 12:49, More)

» Annoying Partners

my wife....
gets upset with me when I introduce her as "my first wife" or "my current wife"
(Fri 5th Aug 2011, 10:09, More)

» Tales of the Unexplained

Ghost caught in a commerical
About 10 seconds in you can see something travelling behind the car:

Link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wz1W_omigwg
(Thu 3rd Jul 2008, 13:07, More)

» Nights Out Gone Wrong

Blade 2
Usual stuff, went out, got drunk, wnet clubbin, ate a large pizza, back to mates house to crash...

Well a few of us went back to crash and since they were not tired they put on a movie.....Blade 2

Well I fell asleep at the beginning.....and when it got to the nightclub scene I woke up....and thought I was still in the club...

Semi conscious I jumped out of the chair I was in and started dancing only to be laughed back to full consciousness by my so called mates

Still not as good as the first one though!
(Mon 28th Mar 2011, 21:42, More)

» Conversation Killers

Sat in Old Orleons in Oxford with my Mum & Dad....
And my mum says to me and my wife...

"How do you make a woman scream"

"Wipe your cock on her curtains"

Thanks mum! conversation stopper and more scarring for life!
(Thu 12th May 2011, 13:38, More)
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