» Banks

Give us the fudging money!
Not me, but a friend of mine quite a few years ago got offered one of the best summer holiday jobs ever, doing bank raids.

Basically he used to do the occassional line ups for £20 or whatever at his local police station when he was approached to help with bank staff training with being raided.

He was given a fake gun and told he could do what he wanted but he couldn't hurt anyone. So when it was almost closing time, he run in do lots of shouting and pointing with his gun demanding cash etc..

The staff were all expecting the training, but he said it didn't detract from being one of the most exciting things he'd ever done.

Wish it'd been me, all I did was work at an injection molding factory for next to f'k all for my summer holidays.
(Thu 16th Jul 2009, 16:05, More)

» Dad stories

Hairy balls
In the early days, when having a remote control for your telly was a novelty, let alone a video recorder, my dad used to come home from work, have a shower and then slip into his short, ratty bathrobe, before coming down for his dinner in front of the box.

One of the few mental images I have of him, that I've not found strong enough mind bleach for, is my dad on all fours, leaning down in front of the tv, trying to program the video. Completely unaware that his bathrobe isn't that long, and the rest of the family having to endure 10 minutes of watching his hairy arse and nut sack obscuring the television screen.
(Mon 29th Nov 2010, 14:44, More)

» "Needless to say, I had the last laugh"

Party favours
It was nearing my birthday and as is the tradition my parents were going to throw me a party, so after dishing out invitations to my friends and all the fit girls, I was left with a conundrum, should I invite the school bully? Nah, fuck him thinks I.

Anyhoo, the following morning in French, just before the teacher decided to show up, the bully, Sean being his name, announced to the rest of the class that my party was going to be shit, and that if I only my real friends turned up, they'd only be 2 people there, including me, which the class found very amusing, leaving Sean smiling his sparkling wit.

To which I replied, "it'd still be more than you Sean", needless to say I had the last laugh as the class cracked up at this, making Sean go red faced, up until the point when the cunt came over and punched me.
(Thu 3rd Feb 2011, 21:27, More)

» Easiest Job Ever

injection moulding
My summer job whilst at uni was with one of those agencies that charge stupid amounts of money to pimp out monkeys like me on a pittance, to perform the most mind numbing jobs in the world.

My job involved pressing a button, waiting for the machine to do it's thing, pull said item out of machine, stack item and press button, rinse and repeat for 8 hours (with a half hour unpaid break).

On the plus side, I got to listen to my walkman throughout the day (I managed to get through the cure back catalogue a few times), drink coffee, smoke fags constantly and pretty much rest my brain, as you kind of mong out after a bit.

The only interesting part of the day was when you'd swop cigs with a co-worker to make things a bit different.

Easy job, but the wages were shit.
(Fri 10th Sep 2010, 13:24, More)

» Accidental innuendo

Religious innuendo
My friend's dad used to be a priest in his local village, and when we used to go round his house, we'd always be cracking up at the brass plaque that was on his dad's desk to remind us all of his religous duty:

"Let God fill you with his great peace"

How we giggled like little children.
(Sun 15th Jun 2008, 10:51, More)