b3ta.com user badgermonkey007
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» Shit Claims to Fame II

I purposely didn't wash my hands after going for a wee knowing full well Tony Blair was coming with a media crew for shakey hands opportunies. That was in 2001 and probably directly led to his downfall.
(Fri 21st Sep 2012, 7:18, More)

» The B3ta Cookbook

Oh Christ
The breadmakers are back.
(Thu 28th Jun 2012, 23:02, More)

» Money-saving tips

Buy Andrex bog roll with shea butter, Waitrose own brand with cashmere does the job just fine.
(Thu 10th Nov 2011, 18:24, More)

» Bullshit and Bullshitters

8 bit fibs
A chap I went to primary school with called Scot (for that was his name), made up amongst many other things the following porky:

Apparently he had an 'arcade chair' for his Amstrad CPC 464 which when he plugged it into his joystick socket worked as a fully functioning moving cabinet style chair for games such as 'Outrun'.

I somewhat doubted this, but let it go until about 5 years later when he led a concerted bullying campaign against me, mostly based on the fact that I was small, cheeky and ginger. At this point I unleashed the power of his earlier lies (at this point we'd started moving onto SNES's and he was exposed for the twat that he clearly was. He ended up having to move schools.

Don't mess with teh small, cheeky gingers.
(Thu 13th Jan 2011, 22:16, More)

» The B3TA Detective Agency

Premature nostalgia
I worked out why 'the count' was called that in Sesame Street when I was about 19 and indulging in the early nostalgia phase one day. I referred to him (not remembering his name) as 'the dracula one who used to.....oh....the count'. Kids, don't do nostalgia till you hit your 30's, you'll look like a right knobber.
(Fri 14th Oct 2011, 23:21, More)
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