» Faking it

long time fake...
I have recently come to terms with the fact that I am a massive queer (not massive really, just a little podgy and rather shy about the whole thing)
Which has left me faking being straight to the majority of people I know for now for as many reasons as I feel I need to invent, however this isn’t the point.

While it was coming to terms with the semi-decision slash realization. I had to do some soul seeking, resulting in thinking about quite a few things, mostly things in my past due to my lack of precognitive ability.

Now even though I have always had my doubts about myself, and often beat myself emotionally up over these doubts, or just ignored them as most functioning members of society will, I never allowed them to surface for more than a few minutes at a time.

To achieve this masterful level of fakery I threw myself headfirst into relationships, amusingly (and possibly predictably) most of the girls were manly than I was,as i was constantly reminded by my friends whenever the girlfriend of the time wasn’t around, and i would happily agree with them

one of the aforementioned girlfriends once complained to me that all of her ex's became gay after dating her, maybe shes to blame.

I would engage in sexual activities with each girl, and I can honestly say that I have faked so I could stop as it did little for me, or more often then not just gave up once they felt they’d had their fill (or lack of). However these unfulfilling acts were enough to convince myself that I was a red blooded male and nothing less.

I would avoid looking at the cute guy over there, and even though I thought he was cute, I maintained that as long as I don’t see him, it doesn’t exist, ignorance is bliss.

Now it just amuses me how I managed to gloss over the cracks and lie to myself, even more amusing to me is how people gloss over the things they don’t care for or want to see, which has made faking being straight a walk in the park as regardless of how careless I get when I’m sloshed

for example kissing another guy in front of the majority of my friends at a club. Not a single one noticed (i am just a little proud of this daring feat given that being out isnt what i want just yet).

Where I was going with this I don’t know, however I can conclude faking is far too easy as we make it easy for ourselves.


All around the Mulberry Bush
The monkey chased the weasel
The monkey stopped to pull his... sock
Pop! goes the (b3ta) cherry.

Apologies for length, rambling, poor writing skill and being new
(Tue 15th Jul 2008, 0:44, More)