» Food sabotage

Student Halls
First post blah blah blah

So it was my first year and I was in student halls, living on a diet of mainly coco pops and pot noodles. Anyway I splashed out on a tub of luxury expensive chocolate ice cream and carefully stashed it away at the back of the freezer where, I hoped, it would be safe. 2 days later a more or less empty tub greets me (I believe tears came to my eyes). I was pissed and I knew who the culprit was as well, some stuck up bitch having her way paid for her by daddy while I fucking worked for that ice cream. So I shat in the tub! levelled it out and then once frozen scooped some out to make it look convincing. later while relaxing in my room I hear a massive retching, folllowed by copious amounts of vomit. Popped my head out and cheerfully reminded the cunt to make sure she cleaned up the mess. Ice cream from that day was safe as long as it was chocolate. a padlock and a mini fridge helped against petty revenge
(Sun 21st Sep 2008, 21:48, More)

» Tightwads

The onion incident
My husband works with a mega tightwad. Every birthday or xmas she tells them all to open the present carefully so the paper can be reused. They rip it out of spite and to see the distress on her face as they do so. Every year she goes to Wimbeldon as she is a tennis fan. However she doesn't buy a ticket. Her elderly mother gets 2 tickets free each year as she is a member of a tennis club. 3 of them go down and take shifts in the seats watching the tennis. However the best example is what is known as The Onion Incident. Two visting network technicians came in and had been to a roll shop and had a bought large salad rolls for lunch. As they were eating the rolls in the workshop a couple of pieces of onion dropped from the roll, her eyes light up as she asks "Are you going to eat that". Looking at the detritis from their lunch they both said "No" quick as a flash she darted in a took the pieces to add to her lunch.
(Thu 23rd Oct 2008, 20:49, More)

» Presents

Last christmas
I did a zombie theme christmas last year. World War Z and The Zombie Survival guide by Max Brooks, A limited edition Spider-Man and Mary-Jane Marvel Zombies figure and Left 4 Dead for the x-box.

The year before was Star wars themed with Force Effects Light Saber, Return of the Jedi film stills and a canvas print of the Millenium Falcom approaching Yevin.

Other presents have included a tattoo (Punisher skull that has been shot) Various t-shirts from t-shirt hell, and a Mr Frosty

I don't have many ideas this year. I know he needs memory for his x-box but other than that I don't have a clue.
(Thu 26th Nov 2009, 23:30, More)

» Neighbours

Care in the community
My last neighbour was a few cans short of a six pack. He took to watching my every move with suspicion after accusing me of stealing his postcode after taking in a parcel for me.

My neighbour before that was lovely. Then I woke up one morning to find the police and forensics outside my garden as he had stabbed and killed someone in a drunken argument. A drunken argument that woke up everybody in the neighbourhood except myself and my husband.

Length - 8inches with a serrated edge apparently
(Fri 2nd Oct 2009, 9:40, More)

» Banks

Name Change
Apologies in advance for lack of fuunys.

5 years ago I managed to get married. Yay me! So off I trot to the bank (which is a non royal bank located in Scotland) to change me name. During the course of the conversation to get my name changed I stressed that although I had changed my surname I had kept my title and it was under no circumstances to be changed to Mrs. When I received my new card I would phone up to confirm receipt and my old card would be cancelled and my new one activated. A few days later my new card turns up and of course the title is Mrs. I phone up and receive no apology but advised that as I was married it was assummed that my title was Mrs despite advising several times that it was not. Anyhoo I ordered another card in the correct name and advised that they would keep my old card active and to destroy the incorrect card which I confirmed more than once. Later I go to withdraw cash and my card is spat back at me which I found strange as I knew I had cash. Phoning later I was again not given an apology (noticing a trend here?) and told that they had activated my new (and destroyed card) and no new card had actually been ordered. So off I trot to the bank taking time off work (although I did get the bank to pay for the taxi) to get this sorted. Once again we go through it all, yes I was married, no I was not a Mrs, oh and can I actually have some of my cash please so I can get some high end luxuries like food. So they agree to let me have some cash and order a new card for me. A few days later my new card shows up and there in all its glory again, Mrs. Wearily I trot off to the bank where after again receiving no apology I am told that my title really should be Mrs as I am married. The red mist decended at this point and they were on the other side of a rant that lasted a few minuted with short pauses for breath where I managed to get in various subjects ranging from feminism to the dubious parentage of various members of staff. This time it was sorted.

A couple of months later me and hubby decide to add him onto the account as all the direct debits come out of my account anyway. I advise them I just want him added on to my non fancy very basic bank account and we were advised I would have to open a new one. So we go through it all transferring DD, wages etc to our new account number and then instead of cards a letter drops through telling us they would rather not have my husbands custom. We go down transfer everything back to my single account and told again that they didn't want his custom due to his credit history (which was better than mine) This was on a basic account. Anyway we went with First Direct who not only had both of us but gave us a debit cards, cheques books and an overdraft. When I was asked in my old bank why I was closing my account it was nice to say "actually I wanted to stay with you but it seems you don't want us and several thousand pounds of my money every month so I managed to find a bank that does" and off I went.

I have no problems with first direct and my old bank did send me a very expensive bunch of flowers to apologise for the name mix up
(Tue 21st Jul 2009, 7:44, More)