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» Famous people I hate

Not a person, but an organisation.
Help for Heroes.

My brother and sister-in-law are in the forces, and they have HfH car stickers, dishcloths and Christ-knows-what-else. They do fundraising for them.

This makes me a little peeved.

There is nothing heroic about being in the forces. It's a job, and a job for which you get paid. You don't have to join, and if you're surprised that, on occasion, you might be in a dangerous or life-threatening situation having joined the forces, then you're clearly not clever enough. You should perhaps consider a carreer as a Police Community Support Officer.

So the heroism can't be merely a measure of being in the forces. By that token, you, I, and everyone else who has signed a contract of employment for a job the demands of which were perfectly clear and from which we've managed not to get sacked is a hero.

Maybe the heroism has to do with being injured. But, again, if I fall down the stairs, or even get a work-related injury (granted, it's hard to see how someone like me who sits all day in a dingy office could suffer such a thing, but you get the picture), then that'd make me a hero. And I don't think I am a hero; nothing personal, but I doubt you are, either.

"Hero" used to indicate someone who had done something truly outstanding. Getting injured while doing your job doesn't strike me as outstanding. And by calling every such person a hero, HfH thereby devalues genuine heroism. Meanwhile, for those who do display genuine heroism, there are medals, promotions and honours. They don't need HfH.

Besides: if a member of the forces gets injured, they're entitled to claim all the benefits that someone born disabled or injured in everyday life can claim. They aren't any worse off than the civvies. If the beef is that disability benefits generally aren't high enough, then that's fine - I'll sign up to that. But it rather takes the military heroism away, doesn't it?

Something similar goes for the public grief junkie tabloid fodder halfwits who line the streets of Wootton Bassett every time someone so much as says the word "coffin". Idiots. Show some self-respect.

OK: I'll get into my fox-hole now. You can start the flaming.
(Thu 4th Feb 2010, 14:12, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Some people think I'm a homophobe
but it only sounds that way.
(Tue 8th May 2018, 9:37, More)

» Narrow Escapes

I've had loads of narrow escapes.
I avoided being killed on 7/7 by the mere fluke of having been nowhere near London at the time, with neither any reason nor desire to be. Had I wanted to be, and had I actually acted on that desire, and had I caught one of the tube trains that blew up, and chosen the wrong carriage, and sat near the bomb... well, I'd've possibly definitely been a gonner.

Exactly the same applies to the Eniskillen and Omagh bombs. It was only being nowhere near them that saved me.

I avoided being hurt when the Herald of Free Enterprise capsised only by virtue of not having been on board at the time.

Come to think of it, I only just escaped being press-ganged into the Royal Navy and losing my life during the Battle of the Nile: had I been born only a couple of centuries sooner, and in a different part of the country, I dread to think what might have happened.

Oh, and this one time, I was snorting MASSIVE DRUGS from the naked flesh of my supermodel girlfriend when she was run over in the head by a flaming Honda Accord. Needless to say, I had the last laugh.

It's scary, really.
(Thu 19th Aug 2010, 15:54, More)

» Banks

Summarising the posts so far...
I opened a bank account once in the full and reasonable expectation that the banking system existed entirely for my benefit. Because of this, I didn't bother reading the paperwork I'd signed; nor did I take much notice about my credit cards, overdraft limit, or anything else like that. After all, when the banking system is designed around your personal needs, desires and proclivities, it's up to the banks to keep up with you.

Or me, in this case.

So I am, of course, full of righteous indignation about the manner in which these huge corporations have utterly failed to give their undivided attention to me, and - worse - the way in which they have utterly failed to read my mind and sort out all my banking requirements on my behalf without my even having to ask them.

I'm also disgusted by the way that these businesses seem to think that they can behave as though it's important to make a profit. What temerity! What kind of world is it when a bank thinks that it exists to sell goods and services and make money from those sales, just like any other business? After all, I think we've already established that the system is for MY benefit, and mine alone. I think it's disgusting that they should be able to charge me fees just because I really can't be bothered to look after my own finances. It's not as if I get anything in return (except interest on my savings and access to loans when I need them - but they don't count).

I'm steaming with rage about the way in which, that time when the ATM went mad and doled out free £20 notes, I had to repay what I'd been given by accident.

Personally, I blame the Illuminati, the Bildeberg Group (I don't know what this is, but I've heard of it, and it sounds sinister) and the Jews.
(Fri 17th Jul 2009, 12:43, More)

» Random Acts of Evil

One time,
I went to France and burned Jacob Dyer's neck. He didn't like it.
(Tue 21st Feb 2012, 14:09, More)
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