» Common

Being drunk in public
Is awfully common, but can be a lot of fun.
So, a little story from the weekend...


After a heavy night in the pub a few of us decided to go onto a bar.
Now, the only bar that was open at that time, and wasn't charging for entry, was a gay bar. I worked out that it was a gay bar because of all the TVs on the walls that were showing pictures of naked men. Not that I had a problem with that, hell, it was selling alcohol.

Anyway, I left the bar to get cigarettes, and ended up chatting to a Spanish guy, who came back to the bar with me, as he "had a few grams of coke, and did I want some".
Drunken logic ensured that my answer was "Sure! Why the hell not!"

So, off we walked, through the crowds, to find the toilets, when he got stopped, searched and kicked out by security, leaving me standing there thinking "What the fuck?".

Anyway, after a few more drinks and some heavy-grade flirting with the barman, who touched my nuts (yes, really), we left the bar as it was kicking out time...

It was too late to get the tube, I didn't fancy walking five miles or more, as I'd get lost, so I decided to get on a night bus.

As I was pissed and not thinking clearly, I jumped straight on the nearest bus, and realised after about twenty minutes that it was going the wrong way.
"Oh fuck!" I thought, and got off.

I was now in the middle of nowhere, no cash on me, very drunk, and smoking like a chimney.
I sat down at the bus stop, totally lost, with no idea how I was going to get back, head in hands, when I felt a tap on my shoulder and heard a voice say "are you alright mate?"

I looked round to see a fairly old homeless man, really scruffy and dirty, but he looked like a friendly face.

I ended up sitting down with him, and gave him some cigarettes, while he asked me about myself, where I was going and what I'd been up to.
We chatted for a bit, and he suddenly asked "Do you want a drink?"
I said that I'd like that, and he produced half a bottle of Lambrini, unscrewed the lid and asked me to hold it.
He then produced a can of Special Brew, which he opened, swirled and poured into the bottle.

I'm not ashamed to say that I drank half of it with him.

A few minutes later a bus turned up, and I bid my hobo-friend goodbye.

To cut the rest of the story short, I ended up in a bus shelter drinking whisky with another homeless man, and then got a taxi back.

Why I didn't get a taxi back in the first place, I've no idea.
(Mon 20th Oct 2008, 10:48, More)

» God

You've all proven yourselves unworthy this week.
None shall remain safe from my Holy rage.
All shall be smited.

P.S. You're off to Hell, the Christadelphians had the right religion.
(Thu 26th Mar 2009, 17:03, More)