b3ta.com user Eldoofus
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Profile for Eldoofus:
Profile Info:

I'm 22 and in the wrong job but kid myself into thinking that I have time to change my ways...

I have an arts & media degree but its rubbish

I love snooping on b3ta when I should be doing something constructive.

If you want to know more just msg me for I am friendly :) but all you need to know is that I'ma girl, Charlie Brooker is my God, the Dude abides etc etc...

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Customers from Hell

I hate sales people
They should all commit mass suicide or something.

Anyway I once had some blaggard call and ask, curtly, if he could speak to Liz. 'Liz' being my very prim and proper Director Elizabeth, who I would never dare call "Liz" (Its Probably like phoning Buckingham Palace and doing the same thing)

I, stunned, reply "Um...do you mean Elizabeth?"
"I'm sorry she is currently out of the office, can I take a message?" I reply in polite robotic fashion, and genuinely she was out at the time.

"Nah, well, I'm calling from -insert Gobshite mobile phone company name- about our new programme blah blah blah."

We have one mobile phone that sits in the cupboard switched off and that probably belongs in a museum.

"I'm sorry" I Interject tactfully, "We are not interested"

"So you're not interested in saving money?
"Can I ask why?"
"...Because I'm a moron."

The audacity of some people...anyway I have loads to tell, I worked in a school uniform shop in Chatham last year...
(Thu 4th Sep 2008, 17:29, More)

» I'm your biggest Fan

Rolf Harris
As a straggly, goofy 10 year old I was really into animals and was a massive fan of animal hospital.

My parents took me to a dog show at Earls Court as was the extend of my lame-ness. Anyway Rolf Harris was there at a meet and greet type thing and I joined the line with glee.

He was perfectly nice but the whole thing was a little rushed as it was getting late and he had seen loads of people by the time it was my turn. I got my autograph and a photograph and was on my way.

Later, as we were leaving, I spotted Rolf chatting to some people by the entrance. I, in my oafish manner gawped at him in slack jawed awe whilst being dragged away by my parents. Rolf spots me suddenly and puts two fingers to his head and gives me a wink and a salute which is- for those of you who are for some reason unaware- the way he ends Animal Hospital.

It was the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me.

The End. I have since met Pete from Big brother at The Volks and stroked the lead singer of The Musics hair.
(Mon 20th Apr 2009, 21:41, More)

» Hypocrisy

This reminds me
of a programme I watched ages ago that was some sort of wife/family swap affair. It must have been a pretty dull night as I normally don't watch those types of programmes but anywho.

One of the families was a very bohemian, lived in a caravan, home schooled kids, eco-twits; and the Dad was a jumped up twat who was in danger of talking all the bullshit out of his body.

Now I don't really like hippy bashing as I don't eat meat and have a few ethical ideals, but I can't stand PETA loving know-it alls who enforce their views on other people. Thats not my bag baby.

Anyway this straggly goon totally berated the switched wife because she had the audacity to spray his caravan with air freshner.
"You don't know about the deadly chemicals that cause long term diseases blah blah blah how dare you poison my kids with your evil toxins" etc etc.

Of course he was giving her this long winded speach about how she was practically murdering his children with Oust whilst he was holding little Moonunit in one hand...and a fag in the other.

Now pardon my ignorance but I would have thought that breathing cigarette fumes over your baby is slightly more harmful and toxic than the odd spritz of air freshner? I could be wrong though.

Note: I don't have a problem with smokers at all but I hate it when they inflict it on people who don't have a choice.

What a knob.
(Thu 19th Feb 2009, 17:01, More)

» Hypocrisy

a man you find unattractive checks you out in the street/bar/club:

"Ugh! Disgusting, lecherous swine!"

A more visually appealing man does the same thing:

"Well hello there!"

(Wed 25th Feb 2009, 12:01, More)

» Addicted

*Eating boxes of Sunmaid raisins like a 5 year old

*Cartons of Rubicon mango juice (any food favoured by toddlers perhaps)

*Watching Screenwipe on youtube

*Obsessively IMDBing films immediately after viewing so that I can stock up on useless trivia.

*The smell of petrol

*Silver jewellery (You can never have enough)

Who needs class As and booze?!
(Sun 21st Dec 2008, 19:39, More)
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