b3ta.com user tangledupinblue
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» Devastating Put-Downs

Topical
A Banker, a School Teacher, a Tory MP and a Daily Mail reader are sat around a table. In front of them is a plate, on which there are ten biscuits. The Banker scoffs nine of the biscuits, then the Tory turns to the Daily Mail reader and whispers in his ear "Watch out, that teacher is after your biscuit"
(Wed 30th Nov 2011, 13:24, More)

» Little Victories II

I quite often dress as Alexei Sayle and hang around in the northbound car park of Keele Services on the M6

(Thu 26th Mar 2015, 13:43, More)

» Creepy!

Lurkers
Or more specifically, me.
I have been a member for 2 years, 7 months and 3 days, yet until yesterday have posted precisely fuck all. I had already been lurking for several years before I boldly decided to sign up and join these people whose exploits I had been reading about. I even had a story to post in whatever that week's topic was, but decided on rereading that it was surely destined for the fail archive (coward? or should more people look over their shoulder like this?)

I have watched the rise and fall of several qotw heroes and villains over the years: Legless going from popular funny poster to most unpopular with the haters; Pooflake's brief domination of the best of page with his clearly made up, but occasionally amusing euphemism-filled posts and then his disappearance; CHCB's hatred of boring parents then subsequent motherhood; Spanky's adolescent wank fantasies eventually getting him chased away; Bert shifting from being one of the gang to unpopular, incestuous weirdo; all those others who posted stories for a while then left "because it's not as good as it used to be".

I've laughed with you, laughed at you. I've viewed some of your profiles. I've followed you on off-topic, been amused and entertained by various conversations and arguments. I've even nearly joined you a couple of times...

Don't you think this all sounds a bit creepy?
The longer it goes on, the stranger it seems to join in.
Is there a section in the archive for creepy stalkers? Save a place for me.
(Fri 8th Apr 2011, 11:29, More)

» I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

A woman is having a shower when the doorbell rings.
She gets out to answer the door but realises there is no towel in the bathroom, so she puts on her robe, grabs a clean towel from the airing cupboard and wraps it around her wet hair. She peeks through her broken blinds and sees a man wearing sunglasses and a shirt that reads SMITH'S BLIND REPAIRS. "Well," she thinks, "I know they said they'd be here first thing, but he's a little earlier than I expected. She opens the front door.

The man says: "Good morning, love. I'm here to fix your blinds."
He thinks to himself: "Cracking tits, I wish she'd answered the door naked."
(Thu 16th May 2019, 12:20, More)

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