» Stuff I've found

I got back from work
the other morning and found that someone had painted the outside of my house.

Have asked the neighbours if they did it....no

Have asked friends...no

Just cant understand why you would paint someone elses house ( it needed it )

A nice white colour as well

Cheers god
(Sat 8th Nov 2008, 16:01, More)

» Procrastination

Once upon a time
A long long time ago, with my hair loss far away....

I decided i would like to become a nurse ( helping sick people and all that)

I had a good attendance record at college ( i had to do an access hnc as my standard grades were piss poor)

The only bit i struggled with (apart from getting there for 9am ) was writing essays.

The first ones were easy as they were human biology and i had just completed one of my 2 highers (woooo!!) in biology.

The rest however i just could not be arsed with. I believe there were 14 in all that went towards my final pass/fail mark.

After many months of being asked why i was bothering to come in if i was not handing in any work it was crunch time.

We were given a date (about one week away at 9 am) when all coursework must be handed in by or it was an automatic fail.

Now i had already dropped out of uni and would be getting made homeless by my *proud* mum and dad if i made a tit of this one.

We arrive at the day before deadline day and lazy sparklehorse has not written one line so i did what any sensible lazy procrastinator would do.

I phoned my smoke provider and ordered one ounce of his shittiest soapy,i then phoned my equally lazy procrastinating friend in Glasgow and made him the offer of as much soapy as he can smoke in one night as long as he is prepared to type up ( after i write) 14 essays of about 2000 words each.

A deal is done so at 6pm i get in the car and head to Glasgow. Seeing potential failure glaring straight at me i decide to stop off at a chemists and invest in 2 packets of pro plus (no red bull in those days) and make my way to friends flat.

After 2 hours of smoking i decide we really need to start so essay writing begins.

Sparklehorse then decides to pull his whole hand out of his arse and at least try to pass this course.

At 11pm, heavilly stoned and very twitchy off half a packet of pro plus we decide munchies are called for so head off th the local supermarket.

Unfortunatley my twitching/sniggering are picked up completley wrongly by a 90ish year old man and his daughter ( no idea why a 90 year old is shopping at 11pm?).Aformentioned old guy proceeds to threaten to batter me for being a cheeky wee shit (i wasnt) and when i sniggered his daughter decided she wanted some as well.

After grabbing said munchies and scraping my friend off the floor due to bursting both lungs laughing at my predicament we pay and leave quickly.

Back at the flat we write/type/smoke for the next 8 hours and at 8.30 am the last one is finished.

A 30 min drive back to college and Sparklehorse proudly hands in all of the essays just in time.

About a week later i get a phone call from my lecturer asking me to come in for a chat where i am grilled for an hour about who wrote said essays, aparently it could not of been me!!

To cut a long story short ( well not really) i passed every essay and sauntered out with an HNC in health care woooooooo!!!!!

I like to believe that good things come to those who cannot be arsed!
(Thu 13th Nov 2008, 21:39, More)

» Eccentrics

Loads of people
in my town carve out pumpkins near the end of every october...eccentric or what!!
(Thu 30th Oct 2008, 23:01, More)

» Family codes and rituals

Apparently
my family isnt the only one who play the " i saw the landmark first" competition in the car.

And they say brits are too straight laced eh??

My sister has to take the cake as every christmas (she is 30 now) all of her presents are set up in the living room like a shrine and must be left there for at least 10 days and god help the unfortunate individual who asks her to take them to her room. Also said room although having lied empty for 12 years due to studenting is exactly as she left it circa 1996.

Also my mother (total legend by the way) uses an electric wheelchair to get about and is referred to ( to her face) as Davros ( dalek ruler for those of you too cool/young/interesting to know)

Kooky?? thats the sparklehorse family....da da da da.
(Tue 25th Nov 2008, 23:29, More)

» Tightwads

My father
takes great pleasure to see his cars average miles per gallon go up by 1. When borrowing said car it is not unusual to be told the current average mpg to discourage any aggressive driving (over 40mph). Go on big fella!!
(Thu 23rd Oct 2008, 18:54, More)