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» Corporate Idiocy

Phone Company
Have you ever had really great service from one of these companies, only to find out that they are idiots? In the states I took out a contract with a phone company - it was only $30 a month, but it included internet etc, so I was fairly happy with it.

Suddenly the internet stopped working on my phone for two weeks. I contacted the phone company to find out the problem. They said that the problem was their end, it has now been fixed, and they would refund me $30 for that month. What great service I though, just as I was about to hang up.

It was at this point that the guy on the phone said something so ridiculously stupid that I almost couldn't believe it. "Ah sir," he said, "because we refunded you $30, the system says you haven't paid for this month and therefore your phone has been deactivated." That's right. They deactivated my phone because they gave me a refund.

After a while of trying to explain this to the moron on the phone, I decided I would just pay the money back so I could use my phone. So I pay them the refund they just gave to me. "Thank you sir," phone idiot says, "but because you haven't paid your monthly bill until now, your phone will not work for the next 48 hours." So instead of receiving a $30 refund, I had lost the use of my phone for 48 hours. Twats.
(Fri 24th Feb 2012, 18:31, More)

» Corporate Idiocy

Wat Nest...
I once received a phone call from someone claiming to be fraud protection at my bank. They told me they wanted to go through my credit card history to check that everything was legit.

They then asked for proof that I was me, e.g. name, date of birth, address, credit card number etc. It was at this point my fraud protection senses started tingling, so I asked them to prove they were from my bank.

They said they couldn't prove they were from my bank because they couldn't give personal information out. So I came up with a fool-proof plan to discover if they were who they said they were. I asked them for their phone number, hung up, and then called customer services at my bank.

"I've just been phoned by this number, and they claim to be from this bank. Can you confirm that this phone number belongs to your bank?" I asked.

The reply I got. "We are a large bank, and we have a lot of phone numbers, so it may be one of ours, or it may not..."

Thanks. Thanks a lot for that. Twats.
(Thu 23rd Feb 2012, 19:13, More)

» The Emergency Services

I've never had the chance to ride in an ambulance but I did get to go in the doctors car
When I had surgery to remove my cancers, the surgeon who performed the operation gave me a lift home. He pointed out that he lived a few streets away from me and it would be a waste of money to get a taxi.

So after I had recovered for a few hours, and he had finished work, he drove me home. It wasn't a great journey as I was still a bit drugged up, and all he wanted to do was talk about the size of the tumour. The way he obsessed about it, I wonder if he keeps it in a jar on his desk.
(Thu 16th May 2013, 16:34, More)

» The B3ta Cookbook

Most people who are forced to eat Tofu by their veggie friends complain that it is weird tasteless goop. It is very simple to cook tofu and make it edible.

Make sure you buy firm or very firm tofu, don't get that "for smoothies" shite. Then drain all the water out of the block of tofu and cut it up into small cubes.

Now this is the really important bit. Put it in a frying pan with a shit-tonne of oil and fry the fuck out of it. Tofu by itself is fat free, therefore to make it taste nice we need to introduce a large source of fat through the frying (I have made the suggestion of using goose fat, but most of the veggie friends don't like this idea). Once all the oil/butter/fat is soaked up, the tofu will be crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. And it actually works as an alternative to meat in pasta and stir-fry dishes.

So that's you can enjoy healthy fat-free tofu.
(Fri 29th Jun 2012, 19:53, More)