» Workplace Boredom

innapropriate comments to other employees
*Im in a hot meeting room trying to pay attention to a presentation*

“so I worked with IBM for 3 years then I spent a bit of time with ‘Rank Hovis McDougal’”

“he sounds like a Scottish paedophile”
(Thu 8th Jan 2009, 12:22, More)

» Unexpected Nudity

Yes Im A Big Rockstar
Yes im a big rockstar….

Well I was guitarist in a band in brighton who made music video’s and blah toured had a fucking great time.

NYE – Im offered the chance to play in a “supergroup” for New Years at the local club the Freebutt we decided to do a shit pub rock covers set ( I can only rember dance the night away by the mavericks and joleen being played though there must have been more)

Free booze makes fools of us all and I decided it would be a laff if I went in the nudie! How fun! Now let me point out at this juncture – the night before the night before I’d been hit around the face with a bottle of JD I have a cut lip eye a broken nose and some nice yellow and black bruising, im a pasty Mofo at the best of times and don’t have a Hot Bod! But it was friends going and it should have been alright if it wasn’t for ian.

F**KING IAN

He took a picture of me on stage next my friend rob.. rob has a giganta-cock and it makes my slightly frozen weiner look like a Chinese mouse in winter.

That was bad enough but Ian is a concert promoter.. so every gig for the next few months had this image of me.. the English GG allen
Peanut dick and all. This was about 2002 …. And he still uses it! It will NEVER go away.

I went on a date with a girl went back to her house and she had a FLYER – BLOWN UP to A4! I was looking at my penis on a girls wall.

I split up with my ex – moved in to a flat share and in the LIVING ROOM it was there HAUNTING ME

F**king IAN
(Tue 2nd Jun 2009, 16:00, More)

» Cringe!

Parqour
could be misspelt so lets call this free running.I used to work with a man who could best be described as a lying tosser, if your dad brough a car his dad “owns a plane, well I say owns, he co owns it, with the sultan of bruni” I found him hillarious, I got caught by him at works buying a gram of coke he was stuck trying to work out whether to fire me (he was my supervisor) or lie… he chose what he knew best , “buying a gram? Oh I only buy by the ounce” etc etc…

So it’s a works christmas "do" and at the time free running was all over show, this new extreme sport and he was apparently one of the founders… apparently (though he didnt sound very french…)

Can you see where this is going – I give him a few massive lines of pretty poorly cut coke and he’s in overdrive ranting about his preternatural skills, downing pints and soon is convinced by all to give a demonstration….

As I saw him drop 2 stories on to concrete and fold like a deckchair I couldn’t help but feel partially reponsable…. And I did cringe when I heard his ankle snap…
(Wed 3rd Dec 2008, 16:23, More)

» Workplace Boredom

try to work out
if i have a wank at work
if that counts as sex..

does that make me a prostitute?
(Thu 8th Jan 2009, 12:30, More)

» Stuff I've found

Lost
Apologies definatly off topic but stay with me...

Ok so after being single for 6 months and after loosing faith in all girls in general i met a brillian girl. been dating for a week and the big night comes, after a few drinks in town we laughingly go in to a 24hr store and by a fun-pack of condoms. get home and proceed to have pretty impressive sex for someone with 6 months of bollock juice backed up only after discover the condom is GONE - cue drunken laughing and searching the room for the best part of an hour tofind it - and the lady err "checking inside herself" (apparently not pleasent at all!) and never finding it... well the lady in question lives with me and while moving we expected to find said item while moving the bed etc... nope its still gone... where we do dont know - but since its months later and she has not gone in to toxic shock we assume its not in her! has this ever happerned to anyone else?
(Wed 12th Nov 2008, 15:45, More)