Lost
Apologies definatly off topic but stay with me...

Ok so after being single for 6 months and after loosing faith in all girls in general i met a brillian girl. been dating for a week and the big night comes, after a few drinks in town we laughingly go in to a 24hr store and by a fun-pack of condoms. get home and proceed to have pretty impressive sex for someone with 6 months of bollock juice backed up only after discover the condom is GONE - cue drunken laughing and searching the room for the best part of an hour tofind it - and the lady err "checking inside herself" (apparently not pleasent at all!) and never finding it... well the lady in question lives with me and while moving we expected to find said item while moving the bed etc... nope its still gone... where we do dont know - but since its months later and she has not gone in to toxic shock we assume its not in her! has this ever happerned to anyone else?
(jordanchaos isn’t just any PeaRoast, this is a M&S PeaRoast, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 15:45, 38 replies)

A:
You accidentally put it up her bum and she shat it out the next day.
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 15:48, closed)

it wasnt
my birthday or xmas so that cant be the answer
(jordanchaos isn’t just any PeaRoast, this is a M&S PeaRoast, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 16:03, closed)

haha
win
(Cpl. Nobby Nobbs, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 17:00, closed)

yerp
the next day he found it under the matress... no idea how.

We were also exceedingly drunk.
(i should have joined myspace, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 15:49, closed)

us too
we were really pissed but its never happerned before!
(jordanchaos isn’t just any PeaRoast, this is a M&S PeaRoast, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 16:02, closed)

And its never happened since
Id also like to point out that it was also the fist time myself and my significant other got down to it..

Maybe its something ot do with that.
(i should have joined myspace, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 16:13, closed)

maybe its some kind of curs an ex put on us?
"when thoust shalt have thy first shag thy contracptive shalt fail and dissapear forever"
(jordanchaos isn’t just any PeaRoast, this is a M&S PeaRoast, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 16:18, closed)

To increase chances of getting them knocked up..
To ruin their young, exciting lives forever!

Meanies.
(i should have joined myspace, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 16:20, closed)

Good Luck Chuck
You gotta see it, this is so that!
(Something funny, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 22:11, closed)

Easily explained
A vagina resonates at the exact same frequency as dark matter. The shagging caused this resonance to rip a hole in the space time continuum, thereby sucking anything not attached firmly into another dimension.

I know this because I live in another dimension, and your condom landed in my coco pops, you fuck.
(GONEism, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 15:56, closed)

Laughs
from another dimension.

Very funny.
( Moey, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 15:59, closed)

I'm bored telling true stories
from now on, every single QOTW post I make will be completely made up.
(GONEism, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 16:06, closed)

I always try
but they're rubbish, so I delete them and post my usual average guff.

I'll try harder next time. Then delete and post more average guff.
( Moey, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 16:31, closed)

Hold on a moment
That post is a paradox!
( MatJ LOOK, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 22:16, closed)

Good one that
now't worse than an errant cock sock landing in your breaksie is there!
(Lurkaloid awarded wanking black belt on, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 18:20, closed)

Makes you wonder.
If they ever have kids will it come out with the Condom on it ?
(tfi049113 Was found alive on, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 15:57, closed)

^
This is the only way a child is ever conceived. What do you think the embryonic sack is made from? Durex, obv.
( Rookie You'll have to speak up, I'm wearing a towel, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 16:04, closed)

Yup.
The conclusion we came to was that her dog ate it.

Still skeeves me out to this day.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 12 Nov 2008, 16:09, closed)

Yes.
it has happened to me. There is actually a place in the vagina where, if it gets stuck, it can be very hard to find a lost condom - it's the fornix, and it's like a little recess around the cervix and it can get stuck in there.

Not sure if it's going to be in there after months and months, but sometimes if they seem to be really lost, they can be there.

This adds to the reason why I no longer use condoms [insert disclaimer about monogamy, STD testing and contraceptive use here before anyone has a go at me again].

(That was another pubic health announcement from your New Friggin' Messiah.)
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 16:22, closed)

Monogamy?
STD testing? Contraceptive use?

Who are you and what have you done with CHCB!
(Bazongaloid, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 16:44, closed)

I may be depraved, wanton and sexually deviant,
but without health risks. Well, just calculated risks. Well, there were those sailors but they looked fairly clean under the track marks and scabs.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 16:50, closed)

So *that's* where the lost socks go!
I did wonder.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 16:46, closed)

No
socks get sacrificed to the god of washing machines and tumble driers.

He eats them with fabric conditioner.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 16:49, closed)

Now slightly paranoid
Trying to work out what horrors may possibly be lurking in my fornix. That is a whole new portion of my anatomy you have enlightened me to.

Thankyou, I think.
(Puddle of Sugar was still wallpapering on, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 17:21, closed)

How or can
you empty this secret lady-cache?
(sparkly_penguin, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 7:13, closed)

What the fudge?
How small does your cock have to be to have a condom actually slip off during intercourse?

*boggles*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 8:55, closed)

i guess
as small as mine?
(jordanchaos isn’t just any PeaRoast, this is a M&S PeaRoast, Thu 13 Nov 2008, 12:32, closed)

Having a lost Jonny won't give her toxic shock
(I don't think so anyway)

I get toxic shock from tampons, but I can use a mooncup without a problem.

As said above, it might still be up there!
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 12 Nov 2008, 16:44, closed)

Hello Mrs bin!
Long time no talkee.
(Bazongaloid, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 16:45, closed)

Hi Al
I see you find me talking about tampons and other girlie stuff.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 12 Nov 2008, 19:39, closed)

Maybe
she has a new type of love juice that dissolves condoms....
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 17:09, closed)

maybe
the sheer volume and velocity of your carefully stored and unsullied ejaculational fluids shot it into an ovary?
(Halfy By light alone, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 17:15, closed)

Maybe it just disintergrated from all the amazing rumpy pumpy you were experiencing

(i should have joined myspace, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 17:25, closed)

maybe you were so drunk
you never used it all but thought you had??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 17:27, closed)

Oh dear...
I'm glad it wasn't just me that thought that...
( Cawl, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 17:33, closed)

I lost one
inside a particularly juicy young lady, felt it slip off as I withdrew for a bit of a breather. Alas, the bloke who was standing behind me was in like a rat up a drainpipe, and to my shame I didn't tell him to hang on a mo while I fished it out. I thought it might have killed the romance of the moment for the other 2 guys waiting their turn. (Yep, one of those parties!)
(Rsoles, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 20:05, closed)

Losing.
Losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, losing, please, not "loosing".
(Oil Slick, Wed 12 Nov 2008, 22:12, closed)

Can't see anyone
who has said loosing or losing.
( Mrs Entity is in hiding., Wed 12 Nov 2008, 23:10, closed)