b3ta.com user TexasPete
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» Letters they'll never read

Dear Female Pornstar(s),

When having a sterioded freak with a 10" penis make love to you with all the subtlety of a pneumatic drill forcing it's way through layers of concrete, please do not ask him to "fuck my little pussy." You have taken many similar phalluses in your career, which will leave your vagina with all the tightness of a wizard's sleeve.

Your in wanking.

(Sat 6th Mar 2010, 15:51, More)

» Cringe!

cash machine
i thanked a cash machine after using it. behind me were a queue of 5 people waiting to use it. cringeing doesn't cover it!
(Thu 27th Nov 2008, 21:08, More)

» The B3TA Confessional

Name changed to protect.
Dear Vance*

About 8 years ago when a few of us had a few drinks in town and I stayed at yours, you let me sleep in your mother's bed as she was on holiday.

When you left for work the next morning I was still sleeping in her bed and I woke up hungover and horny. I am not proud of this (actually I am), I found a pair of your mothers knickers that hadn't been washed. What happened next was the sexiest wank of my life. In one hand was my erect penis, in the other was your mothers unwashed underwear, which I had held up to my nose, with me taking long sniffs of this garment until i reached climax in which I emptied my seed onto your mothers knickers.

After the euphoria died down I had to decide how to disgard of my shame/pride. I put the garment in a plastic bag and and put them into a public bin in the same street you resided on.

I'm so sorry.

*Name slightly changed but only one letter.
(Thu 26th Aug 2010, 19:43, More)

» Letters they'll never read

Cillit Bang
Dear Barry Scott,

Please stop shouting. I have used the products you endorse to clean my kitchen and bathroom to a satisfactory standard, but your shouting brings back repressed abuse memories.

Thank You


P.S. Also don't let idiotic people make substandard Dance music tracks of your shouting. They haunt my dreams.
(Fri 5th Mar 2010, 13:24, More)

» Absolute Power

I'm a Rapist.

(Thu 8th Jul 2010, 16:52, More)
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