b3ta.com user Stu in the hat
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» Worst Band Ever

I'm sure this QotW is going to encourage Trolls
"What's a popular band I'm not fond of? I'll claim they're the 'worst band ever' to rile up some folk who'll then jump to their defense"
I hope I'm wrong though, or people don't rise to the bait.

Someone recommended I listen to Rolo Tomassi. They are a massive pile of cack, the vocals are truly awful, even for screaming.
(Fri 31st Dec 2010, 1:22, More)

» Vandalism

When walking back from the pub
I decided to take a shit behind the changing rooms for the footballers on my local park. Not because I needed to, just because chavs used to sit there and do drugs and I knew it would fuck up their seating arrangement.

2 days later I walked past that area from a distance and saw that it looked like someone had burnt that area, presumably to rid it of any skidmarks. But now that whole building has a fence round it, so poo isn't really needed as a deterrent to sit there.

Length... a good Cumberland ringsworth. And it required only one leaf to wipe, which was lucky considering it could well have been a beer poo.
(Sat 9th Oct 2010, 20:20, More)

» Turning into your parents

It's inevitable that I shall turn into my dad
He used to say constantly that I look just like he did at his age and I will be like him in 30 years. Naturally I used to regard this as bollocks that dads usually say to piss off their kids, until I found a photo of him at my age. I'm the spit, down to the long stupid hair and scrawny build.

And he looks just like his dad but 30 years younger as well. When we are in the same room together it's like some kind of timewarp family reunion. But at least I can look at them and see what's going to happen in the future.

Thankfully I'll still have my hair, but also a gut and no teeth. Fuck
(Fri 1st May 2009, 22:19, More)

» Things we do to fit in

Someone at school lied about shagging his gf to impress everyone
This went on for well over a year. Classic cases involved him coming in looking smug and saying about how he got laid, making up stories where they did it and so forth.

They broke up, and once on msn he told me how worried he was that his now-ex was coming over and he wouldn't be able to control himself, even though she was now with his mate. Bout an hour passed and he logged in again telling me about how it happened on the desk and he was really guilty.

The stories of the sex got out to his ex, who then continued to inform everyone that they had never slept together and he was still a virgin. His reputation plummeted and was then seen as a lying freak with severe issues.

Waste of time in all really, as nobody else in our group had had sex so if anything, it didn't make him fit in but made him look more of a sexpest and a smug gimp before the truth got out anyway.

Found him on Facebook lately, I'm tempted to tell his now-girlfriend about it and see if he's still doing that lie
(Sun 18th Jan 2009, 16:50, More)

» Siblings

As I have a knack of bringing poo into every conversation
I remember a couple of years ago, probably about 6 or 7 in fact, my memory is shit. Me, my sister and my 2 stepbrothers were round my dad's, and their mum's, house and we were confronted with the question "Who did the big shit in the toilet that won't flush?"

Me: Not me
Sis: Wasn't me
Big Stepbro: Nor me
Lil Stepbro: (starts bawling) It wasn't me honest (then runs out the room crying)

No prizes for guessing who the culprit was. We then named it "Nick's Big Log" after him.

Apparently my dad had to get rid of it by chopping it up with a fork into flushable chunks.
(Mon 29th Dec 2008, 0:35, More)
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