b3ta.com user Ivor Biggin
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» PE Lessons

I always hated PE until, at the age of 13 (by which time I knew I was as gay as it gets,) we got a new PE teacher (lets call him Mr Hot.) Suddenly i had someone worth fantasizing about at night. Anyways, in the last PE lesson before the Christmas hols we were allowed to play jousting where one kid sits on another kid's shoulders and attempts to topple his 2 opponents.

Well, to demonstrate to the class how to fall safely Mr Hot puts me on his shoulders and walks over to the mats. By this time some of those nighttime fantasies about having Mr Hot's head between my thighs have come close to fruition and of course I got a massive stiffy which was slapping the back of his head as he was walking.

Anyhoo, he demonstrates the fall and the class erupts at the sight of Mr Hot going very red in the face and me on my back with my shorts doing a great impression of a ridge-pole tent.

(I relived that scenario in my dreams many times later on only with a more exciting ending and without my classmates mocking and abusing me.)
(Fri 20th Nov 2009, 10:51, More)

» Things we do to fit in

Trying to fit it in whilst batting for the other side.
When I was at secondary school all my mates were beginning to 'get to know' a group of girls from a nearby school and at the weekends much adolescent fumbling was taking place (with predictably differing levels of expertise and success rates.)

The weekend finally arrived where I was included for the first time and we set off to a party where it had been arranged that each of us would partner a young lady for the evening in a snogathon. By this stage everyone except me had previously (at the very least) got into someone's knickers and begun to get acquainted with female anatomy whereas I was completely clueless.

What I hadn't told my mates as we headed off to the party was that I had developed over the years a much greater attraction to male anatomy than female. The latter was a mystery I didn't really want to unravel.

However, I duly found myself determinedly snogging a girl who was singularly ill-equipped to raise my 'interest,' (lacking as she was in the willy department.) I knew I was supposed to attempt entry to her lower underwear though I was secretly hoping she would make it a no-go area. Unfortunately for me she showed no resistance at all and once I got past the underwear barrier I quite simply didn't know what to do. This soon became embarrasingly apparent to her also and she suddenly asked me whether I really fancied her. I could only say 'No, not really.'

'Well who do you fancy then?' she asked. Without thinking I blurted out the truth just at the moment the music stopped... 'Dave!'

Time stood still as 12 pairs of eyes focused first on me, then on my best mate Dave.

It's a funny thing but I never saw much of Dave after I left school. But you know, if you're out there Dave...
(Sun 18th Jan 2009, 22:25, More)

» Hypocrisy

Do as I say not as I do...
My sister is really flirty and dirty (as any man who's come to mend the washing machine/boiler/TV will tell you.) I keep telling her to stop this unseemly behaviour as it's degrading and cruel to her husband who is a really nice guy.

(I also know from my own experience that he's a really good f**k.)
(Sat 21st Feb 2009, 23:50, More)