b3ta.com user Dave McF
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Professional idiot for hire. Enquire within for rates.

I pretty much hang around /links and /qotw, despite having a shocking lack of interesting links and worthwhile anecdotes to share.

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Best answers to questions:

» Siblings

Not my fault...
First post after lurking on and off for the best part of five years... be gentle with me!


Roll back a decade and a half to when I was not yet a teenager. My dad and I are standing - actually in the very spot where I'm sitting typing this - watching my brother, two years younger than myself, out in the garden with a bamboo cane, causing wanton destruction to a bunch of innocent plants. Ten minutes pass, dear brother wanders in to find himself confronted by the father.

Dad: "What d'you do that for?"
Bro: "...wot?"
Dad: "Smashing up those plants."
Bro: "Wasn't me. [cap'n] did it."

...which was swiftly met with a clip 'round the ear and a comment of "he was standing here with me watching, y'cheeky little shite". Cue brother running off to wallow in embarrassment.

I'm off at university now and he's away living with friends, but "[cap'n] did it" has become a family in-joke by this point and they all say it when challenged on anything, regardless of whether or not I'm in the house/town/county.

Great lad, though. Hated each other when we were teenagers but we've been getting on famously for ages now.
(Tue 30th Dec 2008, 19:08, More)

» The Dark

I am a man who walks alone
And when I'm walking a dark road at night, or strolling through the park... when the light begins to change, I sometimes feel a little strange; a little anxious when it's dark.

...yeah, I got nothing but Iron Maiden lyrics.
(Thu 23rd Jul 2009, 18:36, More)

» Tramps

There was this one really annoying beggar
Kept hassling me non-stop with her whining "please sir, spare a few coins", which I just ignored. Her next tactic was to run around in front of me yelling "just a few coins, that's all I'm asking... I'm poor and sick and hungry". Couldn't deal with that for long so I grabbed her and shoved her, upon which she landed on her arse across the other side of the town square.

Soon afterwards, the city guards got pissed off and killed me for some imagined infraction, so I stopped playing Assassin's Creed and turned the Xbox off.

...bindun, probably?
(Tue 7th Jul 2009, 22:45, More)

» Hypocrisy

A suitable advert for celibacy?
One skinny bloke and one skinny woman, sleeping in a single bed, them being students living in halls. Skinny woman sleeps like a windmill. Skinny bloke, all 6'something" and 8-and-a-half stone of him, lays on his side as close to the edge of the bed as he can manage without rocketing floorwards, getting absolutely no sleep in the process.

Would anyone like to guess which of our intrepid heroes gets moaned at the next morning for taking up the whole bed?

(Tue 24th Feb 2009, 13:23, More)

» Sexism

I'll be shocked if this hasn't been posted already
but I can't be arsed to check. On the 'slut vs stud' debate:

"I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it's unfair that if a guy fucks a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl fucks just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then it's a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then it's a shitty lock. That shut her up."

Not my quote, not my opinion, etc.
(Mon 28th Dec 2009, 23:26, More)
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