» Jobsworths

Not all jobsworths are bad
Whilst stuck in heavy snow on a coach in Slovenia, drinking beer with ginormous Geordies, going nowhere fast due to an avalanche. I asked the tour operator if he minded if I slipped out for a life saving cancer stick otherwise I may faint from withdrawal. He very politely explained to me that it would be unwise to let me out of the coach as I may get smushed by a (non) moving vehicle and it was more than his jobsworth to have a customer die on the first day of the holiday. I begrudingly accepted this as I could see his point, unfortunately my brand new NON smoking geordie buddies wouldn't accept it and en masse informed him that he should 'kindly desist from obstructing their alighting from the conveyance' (at least, I think that is what they said)
To his credit, he stood his ground and tried to argue the point and explain to us why we shouldn't. Fearing for his life he eventually relented and let us out for the required 'fresh air' On arrival to the resort some hours later he was summarily dismissed by the tour operators.

It turns out he wasn't fibbing and the guilt lay heavily on our beer soaked shoulders for almost an hour.

We met him later in the week enjoying a job free week before returning home when he scored us some knockout weed. What a lovely jobsworth he was, he was, what a lovely jobsworth he was.
(Fri 13th May 2005, 11:52, More)

» Useless Information

Spiders cocks
a spider has his cock at the end of one of his legs, probably.
(Mon 21st Mar 2005, 16:42, More)

» World's Sickest Joke

I can't find this one in here so here goes
Q: What is the best thing about fucking 18 year olds ?


A: There are 18 of them
(Mon 13th Sep 2004, 14:15, More)

» Petty Sabotage

My poor best friend
I have a smashing friend who deserves better, it is a shame there is no justice in this world, hey-ho.In my youth, I attempted to make a small gun from a banger, lashings of sellotape, a bic biro and a ball bearing which promptly exploded in my hand, ouch and duh. The next day, I told my friend I had been succesful at making my own gun by using a bic biro, a banger and a ball bearing. The following day, he returned with a hand cut by an exploding bic biro, suprised that his gun hadn't worked. After explaining nor had mine he pondered why my hand wasn't cut. 'Why, I used sellotape, my very best friend, to prevent any such mishap' 'You didn't tell me that' he replied. 'No my good friend, for I am not be trusted as I am bitter and twisted' To this day I am still educating him that some people just should be avoided.
(Fri 6th May 2005, 12:03, More)

» I just don't get it

Politics
I get in a hopeless pickle as to who does what to whom and why. I still muddle my left and right.

I don't get spelling, I even mistrust spell checker.

and I just don't get work. It seems so unfair.
(Fri 1st Apr 2005, 10:55, More)