Profile for The Yongy Bongy Bo:
" In a world riven by turmoil and despair, a stranger walks a dusty path towards oblivion!"
Aaaaaah, fuck it: I can't be arsed with all that kind of crap!
Just know that the Yongy Bongy Bo is available for conferences and seminars at the bargain rate of:-
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- a member for 15 years, 10 months and 13 days
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" In a world riven by turmoil and despair, a stranger walks a dusty path towards oblivion!"
Aaaaaah, fuck it: I can't be arsed with all that kind of crap!
Just know that the Yongy Bongy Bo is available for conferences and seminars at the bargain rate of:-
Recent front page messages:
none
Best answers to questions:
» School Days
Evil Hags called Dinner Ladies!
Going all the way back to the early seventies: at my infant school we had a real dragon of a dinner lady. Her name shall remain stricken from the record to prevent her restless spirit haunting me.
Anyway, I have always been averse to one particular vegetable as they quite literally make me physically sick: yes sprouts I'm talking about you. Satan's bumboils they are!
When I started at school, my mumsy sent a note written in her finest handwriting to our headmistress asking that they not feed me on these fetid mini cabbages. She duly signed this and gave it back to me to keep, and present to the dinner staff when we had sprouts.
So one day, I'm at the serving hatch, and lo and behold sprouts are the day's veg. Myself being a well brought up nipper explains that I have a note excusing me from eating them: suddenly all hell breaks loose!
"YOU WILL PUT SPROUTS ON HIS PLATE, AND I WILL STAND OVER HIM AND MAKE SURE HE EATS THEM!": or words to that effect anyway.
Yes, the evil hag had seen what had been going on, and stuck her big bulldog face in where it wasn't needed.
No amount of pleading or displaying of the note worked.
I was forced to eat sprouts: less than a minute after the first one hit my little tum, rich, sprouty vomit sprayed from my mouth all over the table, and all over the Dinner Lady from Hell.
My projectile eructation then induced a wave of puke from virtually everybody else at my table.
Needless to say, the hag had to clean it all up, along with eight puke encrusted kids.
She also had to explain to the head why she had chosen to ignore my pleas about my note: my mother told me years later that she had said that she thought I had written it myself.
I was four!
Fuckin' hate them little green twats!
(Mon 2nd Feb 2009, 16:38, More)
Evil Hags called Dinner Ladies!
Going all the way back to the early seventies: at my infant school we had a real dragon of a dinner lady. Her name shall remain stricken from the record to prevent her restless spirit haunting me.
Anyway, I have always been averse to one particular vegetable as they quite literally make me physically sick: yes sprouts I'm talking about you. Satan's bumboils they are!
When I started at school, my mumsy sent a note written in her finest handwriting to our headmistress asking that they not feed me on these fetid mini cabbages. She duly signed this and gave it back to me to keep, and present to the dinner staff when we had sprouts.
So one day, I'm at the serving hatch, and lo and behold sprouts are the day's veg. Myself being a well brought up nipper explains that I have a note excusing me from eating them: suddenly all hell breaks loose!
"YOU WILL PUT SPROUTS ON HIS PLATE, AND I WILL STAND OVER HIM AND MAKE SURE HE EATS THEM!": or words to that effect anyway.
Yes, the evil hag had seen what had been going on, and stuck her big bulldog face in where it wasn't needed.
No amount of pleading or displaying of the note worked.
I was forced to eat sprouts: less than a minute after the first one hit my little tum, rich, sprouty vomit sprayed from my mouth all over the table, and all over the Dinner Lady from Hell.
My projectile eructation then induced a wave of puke from virtually everybody else at my table.
Needless to say, the hag had to clean it all up, along with eight puke encrusted kids.
She also had to explain to the head why she had chosen to ignore my pleas about my note: my mother told me years later that she had said that she thought I had written it myself.
I was four!
Fuckin' hate them little green twats!
(Mon 2nd Feb 2009, 16:38, More)
» Things we do to fit in
Not me, but someone I knew
During my second year at Comprehensive, one of my fellow students to fit in claimed to have seen ET the sequel while holidaying in Florida.
His synopsis of the film was that this time Elliot visited ET's planet.
Apologies for the length, it's my first roast!
In reply to all your replies, this was in 1982. I'm an old sod!
(Thu 15th Jan 2009, 17:10, More)
Not me, but someone I knew
During my second year at Comprehensive, one of my fellow students to fit in claimed to have seen ET the sequel while holidaying in Florida.
His synopsis of the film was that this time Elliot visited ET's planet.
Apologies for the length, it's my first roast!
In reply to all your replies, this was in 1982. I'm an old sod!
(Thu 15th Jan 2009, 17:10, More)
» Gambling
I once bet my mates I could get two packets of extra strong mints in my gob at once!
I managed it, but it took me nearly 30 minutes to scoff the bastards.
To cap it all off though, I only won 50p off them! How fuckin' dumb was that? I should have held out for a quid at least!
(Sun 10th May 2009, 18:48, More)
I once bet my mates I could get two packets of extra strong mints in my gob at once!
I managed it, but it took me nearly 30 minutes to scoff the bastards.
To cap it all off though, I only won 50p off them! How fuckin' dumb was that? I should have held out for a quid at least!
(Sun 10th May 2009, 18:48, More)
» School Days
I've got loads of these!
My old school had many memorable teachers: but some that stick out in my memory are:- Mr "Pwince":- student teacher and total mardarse. Ridiculed by all and sundry, especially when he walked past the smoker's wall while on duty. Even to the extent that kids used to spit on the back of his jacket, and he wouldn't retaliate 'cos he was a mardarse.
Mr Wilton:- Head of the Science department and Genius Physics Teacher. Didn't give a crap if your experiments didn't work. He would just tell you why. Looked like Rowley Birkin off the Fast Show, and my science hero.
Miss Ethel Smith:- totally insane Chemistry teacher. Used to bang her left arm on the table and scream "Why, why must I teach incompetent children!" I once set my jumper on fire in one of her lessons in sixth form, and she just threw a beaker of water over me.
Ernie Blewitt:- another insane Chemistry Teacher(must be all that mercury). Fond of country dancing and sneaking up on unsuspecting kids and cuffing them on the top of the head with a balled fist: did it so often that it became known as getting a "blue"
Aaaaaahhhhh Happy Days!
Edit:-I've just remembered something else about Ernie Blewitt. he once built a still in the Chemistry block and used it to make some kind of what appeared to be brandy.
(Fri 30th Jan 2009, 21:54, More)
I've got loads of these!
My old school had many memorable teachers: but some that stick out in my memory are:- Mr "Pwince":- student teacher and total mardarse. Ridiculed by all and sundry, especially when he walked past the smoker's wall while on duty. Even to the extent that kids used to spit on the back of his jacket, and he wouldn't retaliate 'cos he was a mardarse.
Mr Wilton:- Head of the Science department and Genius Physics Teacher. Didn't give a crap if your experiments didn't work. He would just tell you why. Looked like Rowley Birkin off the Fast Show, and my science hero.
Miss Ethel Smith:- totally insane Chemistry teacher. Used to bang her left arm on the table and scream "Why, why must I teach incompetent children!" I once set my jumper on fire in one of her lessons in sixth form, and she just threw a beaker of water over me.
Ernie Blewitt:- another insane Chemistry Teacher(must be all that mercury). Fond of country dancing and sneaking up on unsuspecting kids and cuffing them on the top of the head with a balled fist: did it so often that it became known as getting a "blue"
Aaaaaahhhhh Happy Days!
Edit:-I've just remembered something else about Ernie Blewitt. he once built a still in the Chemistry block and used it to make some kind of what appeared to be brandy.
(Fri 30th Jan 2009, 21:54, More)