» Road Trip

Wolfe Creek Crater
It was an epic adventure across the Kimberley in a Toyota Landcruiser in North West Australia. Having razzed past grey nomads in a cloud of red dust along the Gibb river road, we grew bored of the vibration free bitumen and headed for the Tanami track to Wolfe Creek Crater. Rattling like loose false teeth in a vibrator-using pensioner we pulled up as sun set at the campsite at Wolfe Creek crater. At this point, the error of watching the film "Wolf creek" prior to leaving Sydney struck home. Perhaps something sunny with Toni Collete would have been better than watching the savage torturing of backpackers in said crater. Trying to remain rational as bobbing torchlights headed to the outback dunny and back, we tucked into the wine.....
Wavy lines...
4am. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. We awoke to the sound of footsteps around the van on the gravel. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Silence
Heavy breathing.
4:01 Decision made to ignore pant-wetting terror and stay in psychopath proof landcruiser until light when all serial killers go home to watch Oprah or some such
4:05 Bladder decides combination of bottle of wine and absolute fear means it will need attention sooner than the dawn
4:10 Unsuccessful search in van for ladypee suitable container. Continuing crunching footsteps and heavy breathing outside
4:15 Fashion defence weapon out of fire extinguisher and make A-team stylie leap out of van shouting in bid to startle assasin therefore buying vital seconds before torture commences
4:16 Cow standing beside van eating grass, crunching and breathing heavily looks a little surprised but maintains steady grass in methane out production
4:17 Pee on shoes in relief at lack of serial killer and lack of directable flow

Length - about 4cm you'll find
(Thu 21st Jul 2011, 8:02, More)

» Sexism

I love my job
There's nothing more amusing than the sight of a 20year old man trying to look over my shoulder in the hope the doctor is somewhere behind me in the clinic room. And not me. I think they think I'm some sort of cinema style-y usher.
However after the irate phone call to one of our secretaries asking "are you the secretary who put her finger up my bottom yesterday?" I have now realised it is very important to spell out to men and women that yes, shock horror, women can be doctors. Even willy doctors.

Length? About 5mm but hey, that's clits for you
(Tue 29th Dec 2009, 20:56, More)

» Conspicuous Consumption

Liquid gold Ozzie style
Due to all sorts of natural disasters in between sunshine - probably due to God trying to smite out the budgie smuggler* epidemic that has remained unchecked in the last 50 years, Australian bananas are now stunningly expensive. AU$13.00 per kg, recent comparison in a newspaper suggested a UK banana remains well under $1 compared with 3 to 4 dollars EACH in Australia.
So, not only do I sit on our balcony looking smug with a curved food item not a croissant, I also let them go a bit black, squidgy and yerghh and then make banana bread for extra ostentatous nyoms. Will be exploring lobster cake next

*"Speedo" style snug swimwear as worn by politicians and fat men. BMI of individual inversely related to size of cozzie usually
(Thu 4th Aug 2011, 10:18, More)

» Good Advice

Hair / penis dichotomy
My terrible-what-was-I-thinking ex only told me one useful thing. His theory on the dichotomy of man is that men are more likely to wash their hair than their penis, so never pull a man with greasy hair.
Though on sober reflection this may have in fact been a window into his grubby (and not in the good way) soul.

Length - well I usually get apologies for the lack just before I put the little camera gets in. Its frightened don't you know x
(Thu 20th May 2010, 17:48, More)

» What nonsense did you believe in as a kid?

The Flintoffs
For the last few years I've been not really listening to the sport bit especially not the cricket bit of the Radio 4 news before paying attention again for the weather/comedy animal story. The names Freddie Flintoff and Andrew Flintoff had ahem penetrated my consciousness so my most sensible assumption was that these were two related cricketers, probably brothers, maybe cousins, and I was aware one had stolen a pedalo in high jinks post-ashes. Just discussing the other day how let down Andrew must have been after Freddie stole the pedalo...Ah. My mistake
(Wed 18th Jan 2012, 17:54, More)