b3ta.com user unsey
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» Gyms

Poorly supported women-folk
On a treadmill going at a fair lick.

that is all.
(Fri 10th Jul 2009, 13:58, More)

» Tramps

'Noon b3tans.

While our yearbook was under production at school there were "awards" we could vote people for. One category was "Best male bum".

Big D, a friend, misunderstood it and thought it meant "Best tramp" and voted my best mate for it.

In all fairness though his stupid beard does make him look a wee bit of a tramp.
(Thu 2nd Jul 2009, 16:02, More)

» Conspiracy theory nutters

David Bowie
My ex-boss isn't much of a nutter. But has the most RIDICULOUS theories.

The stupidest one he told me was:

"Oi, Curly" (on account of my hair)

"*sigh* yes Ron?"

"Do you know who was responsible for the Credit CrunchTM?"

"No, Ron... Gordon Brown? The Clangers?"

"David Bowie"

Apparently, Mr Bowie sold on the rights and royalties to his songs for instant cash (lots of instant cash) to various companies. The banks decided to adopt this policy. Which is why we're in the Credit CrunchTM.

He then promptly called me and my dad "Vultures" for investing in RBS shares when they were dirt cheap. Cunt.

Length? Well the hinges I was supposed to be pricing were about 8".
(Fri 28th Aug 2009, 14:42, More)

» Hypocrisy

Parents are the worst for hypocrisy.

The best case is driving. I passed my driving test about... 5 months ago. By passing said test it proves you are competant and safe enough to drive on the british road network AND I have been pottering around myself ever since.

So why do parents still think they know best?

"Stop speeding, the limit is 70 on a motorway" (says my mother when she looks over from the passenger seat to the speedo)

Yes, thank you for stating the fecking obvious mother

"Its a 30 limit through here, slow down!" (Note I WAS doing 30)

To cap it all off they then go and do at least 40 in 30 zones.

Fecking hypocrits.
(Thu 26th Feb 2009, 12:43, More)

» Conspiracy theory nutters

Another one of my "Crazy Friends"
An old school chum of mine, Pete shall we say (for tis his name), was thoroughly convinced that the only reason that Britain didnt float away from mainland Europe was because the Channel Tunnel kept us anchored to France...

He was a fair few sandwiches, Jammie Dodgers and a flask of tea short of a picnic.
(Wed 2nd Sep 2009, 13:55, More)
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