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» Mini Cabs From Hell

once again, in Leeds
got a cab home from a bar behind the corn exchange. turned out we'd nicked someone elses, so I gave the unlucky punter a cheery wave.

sadly, this just infuriated him and he started attacking the cab, trying to open the door/smash the window.

taxi driver: "do you want to get out and fight him?"
me: "no, you're alright mate, I'll just go home thanks".

very courteous!
(Thu 27th May 2004, 15:46, More)

» Booze Related Disasters

have recalled a time
while in final year of university - a friend and i decided that a first and last night out in the union was a good idea.

having spent the evening eating speed and drinking enormous amounts of cider, i was very much worse for wear. While queueing for a pint, a guy barged past me and stood at the bar in front of me. Reasonably, I questioned him: "what the fuck are you doing, you cunt?" and gave him a shove.

Imagine my shame when I noticed his white stick and the looks of horror from everyone. gah.
(Fri 19th Mar 2004, 13:59, More)

» Mini Cabs From Hell

on a night out in leeds, i got a bit lucky and spent the night with a lovely lady back at her place in bradford (we live together now, o happy day).

on getting a cab home from Bradford the next morning, the driver asked me where Leeds was - for the uninitiated, Leeds is a city of about a million people, approx 4 miles from Bradford. Then the cunt charged me £25!
(Thu 27th May 2004, 9:40, More)

» World's Most Hated Food

what a bunch of puffs!
how can you be offended by vegetables? jesus.

Worst thing i've eaten was chitterling sausage, a belgian speciality. Made from bits of the digestive tract of a pig, it tasted like the smell of a blocked pub toilet at 11.20 on a friday night. It is the only food item I have never finished.

n.b. drinking water also "burns up calories". Does this make it as evil as celery, you almighty twats?
(Mon 12th Jul 2004, 14:56, More)

» Shit Stories

my good friends dave and nick
had been interrailing around europe, living off terrible food.
Having made it to Nice on the Med coast, they relaxed with a cold beer in a cafe facing the beach.
Nick is proud of his ability to fart - he told dave to brace himself and let rip, only for a look of pure horror to spread over his face.

"What?" asks Dave. "I've shat myself" replies Nick. Nick waddles off across to the sea clutching the bottom of his shorts and goes for a quick swim to disperse the poo.

he got a rousing round of applause on his return to the bar.
(Fri 7th May 2004, 14:00, More)
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