b3ta.com user 0nyx
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mailto://twunt a-with-a-little-circle-round-it hotmail dot cow dot youkay

Oh I so wish I could draw. I want a tablet PC, just in the hope it'll make me suddenly able to draw beautifully, in the same way buying a workmate will make you better at plumbing.

If I could draw, I'd draw something really nice or funny, but just being stuck with a spacko touchpad my options are limited. But if I had a tablet... you'd roll in the aisles. But I don't, so the best part of my contributions consist of woos and yays for them as deserve em, nowt for them who don't. But if I had a tablet, you'd see all my inner soul splurge forth in an artistic cathartic mess (see Brian from Spaced), and *then* I'd be happy.

Oh, and I can fly.


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Best answers to questions:

» It's Not What It Looks Like!

PhD research
A fellow tutee was doing his PhD research into shining lasers at windows and measuring the reflections to eavesdrop conversations in the room (basically spy stuff back in the early 80's). In the lab, for calibration and tests, he used to use latex sheets with a mirror adhered to them to prove the concept. And of course he was wonderfully socially naive too, but seeing as latex sheets were easily available at the chemists...

"Hi, can I have 2 gross of condoms please?"
"Erm, yes sir - do you want them with teats, or without?"
"Oh, it doesn't matter - I cut the ends off them before using them anyway"

(Fri 10th Dec 2010, 18:25, More)

» Weddings

I wish this was my story - it isn't, it's recycled, but it kinda fits in
1996-ish film 'Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves' with that slushy Bryan Adams song (Everything I do) that was at number one for the whole fucking summer.

Bridey requests it - 'that song from robin hood'. First dance time 'Robin hood, Robin Hood, Riding through the glen...'

>hope this isn't a Loogabarooga post, I skim read the rest, gutted if it is<
(Fri 15th Jul 2005, 16:32, More)

» Accidental animal cruelty

More naive than accidental
You remember the 80's? Everything was day-glo, and that included hair, which meant day-glo spray-in hair colourings. The side of the can said 'non-toxic', but the colour was somewhat the brightest greenest green you could get without a radiation suit.

My friend's little sister kept a white rabbit.

I don't need to finish this story, do I?
(Fri 7th Dec 2007, 17:31, More)

» Housemates from hell

Redressing the balance
It was me! I was that irresponsible, thoughtless, dirty and smelly wanker. Allow me to give you the other side of the story...

1) I was immature
2) I resented artificial authority
3) I had no insight - I couldn't *see* the mess, nor the distress it caused you
4) I had no concept of social responsibility - someone else would fix what I broke/didn't clean/didn't pay/etc
5) I'd cut 50% of my lectures to slob around in bed, or watch Sesame Street getting drunk or stoned

In summary, I had no concept of a world outside my own miserable boundaries. Technically and clinically I was severely depressed. If only someone had had the insight then to stick me on a fortnight of prozac, I may have been normal, or at least healthier and happier.

Now I'm sexy and successful, but just want to apologise to you all from me, and all my kind back in shared house days. I (and we) don't mean to offend you, we're just removed from reality and up ourselves. Strong chance (as many of these stories repeat) you'll find some strain of mental illness in your 'from hell' housemates - buggers to live with, but don't give up on them. My Mrs didn't, and made a decent man of me.
(Mon 9th Apr 2007, 17:09, More)

» Best and worst TV ads

Blackcurrant Tango - St George
This ad was just perfect

Back in it's day, it took an entire ad-break, and it is such a perfect mixture of 'did I just see that' and 'did they just say that' that you have to replay it. Utterly brilliant.

(Fri 16th Apr 2010, 15:51, More)
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