b3ta.com user vanja
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swede, but not vegetable.

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» Pure Ignorance

Working in the cinema...
...You get to hear a thing or two. First there's the "what's the difference?"

Man: Can I have some nachos please?
Me: Sure. Would you like cheese or salsa with your nachos?
Man: What's the difference?
Me: Well... One's kind of runny cheese sauce and the other is salsa.
Man: What's salsa?
Me: Well...


Chav: I'll have a popcorn combo.
Me: Sweet or salted popcorn?
Chav: What's the difference?
*cue all co-workers going off on 'coughing fits' while I try to keep a straight face*

Then the other week:
Woman: Excuse me, but I'm watching this Lemony Snicket, but there's no Lemony Snicket in it. It's only got Jim Carrey.

Man looking at my name badge: Is that your favourite film, Seven Samurai?
Me: One of them.
MLAMNB: Yeah, Tom Cruise is a great actor, isn't he?

And just for the sake of it, I'll mention this randomly overheard sentence one girl was saying to another in a Greek restaurant: "So, if someone tried to chop the head off, you wouldn't mind?"
(Tue 11th Jan 2005, 2:43, More)

» How I Skive Off Work

Working in the cinema...
There's the usual standing around watching almost entire films from the side. Also, there's eating sweet popcorn in the storeroom, and my favourite: Walking around for hours on end carrying a bag of Maltesers. As long as you're holding on to something, no one questions you.
(Mon 2nd May 2005, 22:26, More)

» The last thing that made me cry

The actual last time
tears came out of my eyes was flying from Sweden to England on Monday. I've had a cold for about 4 weeks, and my sinuses are really blocked up. As we gained altitude, I started to feel a distinct pressure over my eyebrows that only got worse and worse until my eyes were overflowing from the pure pressure of my swollen, clogged up sinuses on my eyes. It felt like they were going to pop out and it hurt so much I nearly threw up. Like a really bad migrane, and there was nothing I could do about it because the airline staff weren't allowed to give me anything for it.

Luckily, it's only about a 2 hour flight, and as soon as we started dropping, it eased away. The guy next to me probably thought something terrible had happened, because I was crying constantly for the whole flight, just a silent, steady flow of tears... But I'm actually happy I cancelled my trip to Japan because of the illness. 12 hours non-stop migrane... Can't think of anything worse.

My ears still need to pop, dammit...
(Thu 14th Apr 2005, 15:06, More)

» Losing Your Virginity

tough job
when i first tried having sex at the age of 16, it hurt so much it was unbelievable. a visit to the doctor showed that my hymen was too thick to be penetrated the normal way, so i lost my virginity to a surgeon. funny thing was, i thought it was going to be a woman doing it, right up until the moment when i'm lying in that hospital bed, my legs up on rests and all the goodness revealed - when the male surgeon come in, snaps his gloves on and goes "right, what have we here then?" - luckily the anaesthetic kicked in just about then.

after that, it took about 6 months for sex to get anywhere near comfortable, and for each partner since, it's been plain but bearable. guys, all these stories about making the girl come on that first night... forget it. it was all fake. unless you a) went down on her or b) have a small protrouding vibrating appendix near the top of the shaft of your penis. being a girl sucks.
(Thu 3rd Mar 2005, 23:15, More)

» Claims to Fame

because the old translation of lord of the rings into swedish (dated 1959) sucked major ass, a new translation is underway. i am responsible for changing the old swedish name for rivendell ('vattnadal', which means something like 'water valley', due to the bastard translator reading it like 'riverdell' - plonker) into the new, fancy name 'riftedal' - actually meaning riven dale.

woo, the geekyness!
(Sat 26th Feb 2005, 2:41, More)
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