b3ta.com user Ceasar Flunk
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» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

Too many to list but the most recent...
A work colleague recently got promoted, and with his shiny new job came the perk of a shiny new office all to himself. Now said colleague is not the neatest person you'll ever meet. In fact it would be fair to say his desk resembles your average 14 year old boys' bedroom...minus the dirty clothes, and pornography...that said, I'm sure if you looked under one of the stacks of paperwork you'd probably find examples of both.

Anyway, I digress. He spent an entire day moving the 'stuff' from his old desk into his new office. Neatly placing files on shelves, paperwork in trays, pens in pots. He even dusted his computer keyboard. Then, hometime comes around, and looking mighty pleased with his days work moving home says " 'Night all. I won't see you tomorrow, as I've got a long weekend. See you Monday!"

Excellent! I think to myself...The next day we spent the morning moving EVERYTHING out of his new office and back into piles on his old desk. To the untrained eye, you wouldn't know the difference.

I know that revenge for this is coming one day, but it was worth it for the look on his face first thing on a Monday morning.
(Thu 17th Sep 2009, 18:07, More)

» Teenage Crushes - Part Two

So Many...
But here we are a few.

Kate Bush - Any man who was a teenager in the 80's and says they didn't fancy Kate Bush is either lying or gay.

Debbie Harry - See above.

Belinda Carlisle - It was the curves that did it...and that cute little upturned nose. Or it could have been her close resemblance to 80's porn star Ginger Lynn. Maybe shouldn't have confessed to liking her on radio programme though (Belinda not Ginger). Mummy Flunk has never let me forget it to this day.

Janet Ellis - Fit and she could make stuff out of sticky backed plastic and old washing up bottles.

Selina Scott - Mmmmm...made breakfast TV watchable...and I still would.

Sally James - See comments for Kate Bush and Debbie Harry.

Kathy Lloyd - Page 3 model...imagine my delight when I managed to get her phone number as a grown up (but that's another story).

And my old Science teacher Miss Wall...I need to take a cold shower just thinking about the filthy minx.
(Thu 5th Nov 2009, 17:30, More)

» Celebrity Encounters III

I'll see your Ian Beale...(not literally)
And raise you a Lemmy, in the toilets of The Marquee club. It doesn't get much more Rock and Roll than that.

No I didn't look...just a brief nod of recognition in deference to a rock legend as I stepped up next to him

And I did tell my mates "You'll never guess who I've just had a piss standing next to"
(Thu 5th Dec 2013, 22:02, More)

» PE Lessons

Too Cold To Have P.E. Outside?
No problem at our school, we just had it indoors instead. Which was fine...until it came to rugby. Yes...rugby...played in a gymnasium. With those fucking useless wafer thin mats they used for gymnastics at either end to reduce by 0.0001% the chance of you hurting yourself when scoring a try.

As for the teacher (I won't mention his name), he spent more time shagging the sixth form girls than he did actually over seeing the P.E. lessons. No surprise then when he didn't return to work after half term, when apparently one of the girls Dads' found out about the P.E. he'd been having with his (just about legal) daughter.

And then there was Sports Day. Not just one sports day for us mind you, but a Summer Sports Day and a Winter Sports Day. The Summer one would inevitably be held on the hottest day of the year, at our local athletics stadium. I can still hear our House Master saying, "Flunk, you're doing the 1,500 meters this year...don't come last or you'll be in detention for a week." Luckily, one of the other houses had chosen 'Malcolm' to represent them. 'Malcolm' was the least athletic person in the world. Detention would seemingly be avoided simply by strolling 'round in front of him for 15 minutes. Unfortunately 'Malcolm's Dad was a Parents' Representative on the School Board. The whingeing tosser got his Dad to have a word and miraculously was 'excused' from taking part a week before hand. You can guess the rest, surely?

Then there was Winter Sports Day, which involved a cross country run. Not so bad until you realise that it part of the course went through a river...a freezing cold river. It was so cold one year that it did actually freeze over to about 2 inches thick. Now it has to be pretty fucking cold for that to happen to running water. But still the bastards made us run through it.

Kids today don't know what they are missing.
(Fri 20th Nov 2009, 17:25, More)