» Never Meet Your Heroes

Twofer
(1) Once saw Peter Kay in Asda. I stalked the bloke around the frozen peas and then finally worked up the nerve to go say hello. Held my phone up in front of him for a minute or two before finally managing to squeak out 'Can I take your picture with this?' only for him to say 'I think so, it has a camera'. Me I'm just happy so I take his pic and start walking away. He says 'Do you want my PIN too?' and a few weeks later he makes the same joke on Phoenix Nights DVD commentry. Only then did I get it though...

(2) I'm at a corporate gig and Blue appear. I hand around my glossy programmy type thing for them to sign and see that there is apparently an extra member of Blue, Claire Sweeney.

Ruined the mag, that did. Binned it as I left. Claire Sweeney!! Who does she think she is?!
(Thu 25th May 2006, 20:03, More)

» My Worst Date

Teenage Fun...
Not so much a date, but when I was around 14 my friend and his girlfriend wanted to go have a fondle, so we went camping up in the woods - I went with my friend and she brought hers. Naturally my friend and his girl are hoping we'll kop off and we didn't disappoint, however being the shy creatures we were, we went behind a bush. We do a bit of lip locking and she reaches down for the old fella. I happily nod and then go for her top pair only to be pushed back repeatedly while she has her hand in my pants. In the end I got fed up and went home, prompting a wide-scale search by my friends.

Later on she declared me 'average' and became a lesbian. Gutted.
(Sun 24th Oct 2004, 23:39, More)

» Clients Are Stupid

mobile phones
There should be an intelligence test before buying mobile phones. I work on an O2 helpdesk and this call comes in.
Customer: "Hi, I've bought a voucher and it won't work on my phone. The number is ".
Me: "That's not showing on my system here, are you sure it's an O2 voucher?"
Customer: "Yes, I've got these before."
Me: "Okay, turn the voucher over and look at the front, please. What does it say?"
Customer: "Pay and go! Like I said, it should work!"
Me: "Does it say T-MOBILE right in the middle?"
Customer: "...you've sold me the wrong kind of voucher! I demand a refund!"

Sigh.
(Mon 29th Dec 2003, 12:14, More)

» Claims to Fame

embarrasing, so must tell everyone
*I went to a Janet Evanovich book signing in Manchester with my mum and turned out to be the only bloke there, coincidentally wearing an orange shirt in the front row. She pointed me out at one point to which I blushed furiously and she said "Aw, isn't he cute?"

We are now the proud owners of a book with "To the cutie in the front row, love Janet" in it. Fantastic.

*I stalked Peter Kay around Asda (Pilsworth branch) once - took me ages to work up the courage to ask if I could take his pic with my camera phone. He agreed and said "Would you like my PIN number too?"

*The Chuckle Brothers once said they liked my hat after one of their shows.

*Saw Lionel Ritchie getting off a plane in Chicago - a packed plane and only ONE person was talking to him (no, it wasn't me). Didn't dignify him with a photo.

*Watched Mohammed Ali at last years E3 game show walk slowly up and down a bit with a massive load of burly bodyguards - he walked up to one guy and pretended to punch him. Dude still has it.
(Sun 27th Feb 2005, 15:58, More)

» The Onosecond

Quickie
I made a buncha new distribution lists at work. Some for managers, some for non-managers. Got sent a confidential document to go to managers - guess who I sent it to by mistake? Confidential no more, to say the least.
(Sun 29th May 2005, 2:20, More)