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» Drugs
A friend of mine
told me about his return trip from Helter Skelter. He'd nodded off in the passenger seat and woke up to the driver having a bit of a panic: the headlights of a lorry were looming towards them and the driver was frantically trying to spin the wheel. The other two passengers woke up too, and the driver, after a few further panicked stamps on the break, opened the door and hurled himself out of the car.
It transpired shortly after this that all four of them had pulled over into a layby for a nap several hours earlier, and the driver had woken up, seen the approaching headlights and, in his addled haze, assumed he was still driving. Where the idea of hurling himself out of the car came from though, I've no idea.
(Mon 20th Sep 2010, 14:14, More)
A friend of mine
told me about his return trip from Helter Skelter. He'd nodded off in the passenger seat and woke up to the driver having a bit of a panic: the headlights of a lorry were looming towards them and the driver was frantically trying to spin the wheel. The other two passengers woke up too, and the driver, after a few further panicked stamps on the break, opened the door and hurled himself out of the car.
It transpired shortly after this that all four of them had pulled over into a layby for a nap several hours earlier, and the driver had woken up, seen the approaching headlights and, in his addled haze, assumed he was still driving. Where the idea of hurling himself out of the car came from though, I've no idea.
(Mon 20th Sep 2010, 14:14, More)
» Guilty Laughs
Toddlers, buses and ice creams
A couple of months back, I was riding the bus with a couple of friends, part way through a stag weekend incidentally, and a young family hop on. They were very much like Modern Parents from Viz - all tie-dye and upturned noses at some (only slightly) intoxicated chaps, who are by-and-large behaving themselves. So we moderate our language, start talking more quietly and try to look slightly less unsettling. The youngest, a toddler, is completely oblivious to his parents' distain of us and is kneeling on the seat in front and waving to us, so we wave back, and the parents seem to thaw towards us a little. The cheeky little chap then turns round and promplty drops his ice cream in the footwell. Unperturbed, he leans forward to retreive it, but rather unfortunately the driver chooses that moment to stamp on the break, sending the little chap headlong after his lost ice cream. I turned back to see his chubby little legs windmilling wildly in the air with his top half wedged under the seat in front, from which rather a lot of muffled wailing was coming from. It was great - it looked like something from a cartoon, and this was reinforced when his Dad pulling on both of his legs to free him.
When he was finally extricated, covered in snot and ice cream, I gave up frantically biting my knuckle and finally cracked into something that sounded Sid James if he'd swallowed a hyena. I was still crying a little when we had to get off at the same stop as the family (the little fella was fine by this point, and back to his chirpy little self).
(Fri 23rd Jul 2010, 16:39, More)
Toddlers, buses and ice creams
A couple of months back, I was riding the bus with a couple of friends, part way through a stag weekend incidentally, and a young family hop on. They were very much like Modern Parents from Viz - all tie-dye and upturned noses at some (only slightly) intoxicated chaps, who are by-and-large behaving themselves. So we moderate our language, start talking more quietly and try to look slightly less unsettling. The youngest, a toddler, is completely oblivious to his parents' distain of us and is kneeling on the seat in front and waving to us, so we wave back, and the parents seem to thaw towards us a little. The cheeky little chap then turns round and promplty drops his ice cream in the footwell. Unperturbed, he leans forward to retreive it, but rather unfortunately the driver chooses that moment to stamp on the break, sending the little chap headlong after his lost ice cream. I turned back to see his chubby little legs windmilling wildly in the air with his top half wedged under the seat in front, from which rather a lot of muffled wailing was coming from. It was great - it looked like something from a cartoon, and this was reinforced when his Dad pulling on both of his legs to free him.
When he was finally extricated, covered in snot and ice cream, I gave up frantically biting my knuckle and finally cracked into something that sounded Sid James if he'd swallowed a hyena. I was still crying a little when we had to get off at the same stop as the family (the little fella was fine by this point, and back to his chirpy little self).
(Fri 23rd Jul 2010, 16:39, More)
» Creepy!
Whilst it's nothing on R. Jimlad's night terrors, it certainly scared the piss out of me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with shoulder-ache, so rolled over onto my side and nearly shat myself when something heavy, cold and clammy suddenly grabbed my face.
There were a few seconds of sheer panic (and probably some girly screaming) before I worked out that I'd fallen asleep on my back with my hands behind my head, and my arms had gone to sleep. When I'd rolled over, I'd tried to move my arm down by my side, but in it's bloodless state I'd only managed to move it about a foot before it had dropped cold and lifeless onto my face.
I keep hoping that I'll see someone else do this, as I reckon it'd be pretty entertaining to watch someone sleeping peacfully, roll over and slap them selves in the face before sitting bolt upright and flailingly try to defend themselves with unresponsive arms from an imaginary assailant. But maybe /that's/ just a bit creepy?
(Fri 8th Apr 2011, 14:44, More)
Whilst it's nothing on R. Jimlad's night terrors, it certainly scared the piss out of me.
I woke up in the middle of the night with shoulder-ache, so rolled over onto my side and nearly shat myself when something heavy, cold and clammy suddenly grabbed my face.
There were a few seconds of sheer panic (and probably some girly screaming) before I worked out that I'd fallen asleep on my back with my hands behind my head, and my arms had gone to sleep. When I'd rolled over, I'd tried to move my arm down by my side, but in it's bloodless state I'd only managed to move it about a foot before it had dropped cold and lifeless onto my face.
I keep hoping that I'll see someone else do this, as I reckon it'd be pretty entertaining to watch someone sleeping peacfully, roll over and slap them selves in the face before sitting bolt upright and flailingly try to defend themselves with unresponsive arms from an imaginary assailant. But maybe /that's/ just a bit creepy?
(Fri 8th Apr 2011, 14:44, More)
» Heckles II
Sarah Millican was doing a warm-up for the Edinburgh Fringe a few years ago and was testing out some of her new material. Part of this was a section in the middle where she was talking about gender stereotypes. She asked several women in the audience for examples of things that men weren't good at and got the standard "multi-tasking", "commitment" and "ask for directions" responses, and despite the predicatbility of the answers she managed to eke out some amusing piss-taking. She then asked the men in the audience what sort of things /women/ couldn't do, and there was a lot of giggling and muttering before a chap in front of me put his hand up and shouted "brevity".
There wasn't much that she could say to that.
(Wed 18th Jun 2014, 18:41, More)
Sarah Millican was doing a warm-up for the Edinburgh Fringe a few years ago and was testing out some of her new material. Part of this was a section in the middle where she was talking about gender stereotypes. She asked several women in the audience for examples of things that men weren't good at and got the standard "multi-tasking", "commitment" and "ask for directions" responses, and despite the predicatbility of the answers she managed to eke out some amusing piss-taking. She then asked the men in the audience what sort of things /women/ couldn't do, and there was a lot of giggling and muttering before a chap in front of me put his hand up and shouted "brevity".
There wasn't much that she could say to that.
(Wed 18th Jun 2014, 18:41, More)