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Profile for Lizard King:
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» Failed Projects

Resuming relations with the Mrs.
It took longer than I'd like to resume sexy relations with my good wife after she'd given birth to our first child.

I put my best moves on, got on top, and started giving it some.

The doctor and nurses in the delivery room wern't best pleased. They were still waiting to deliver the afterbirth.
(Wed 9th Dec 2009, 15:53, More)

» Turning into your parents

Dear QOTW
I would just like to write to express my displeasure at the choice of QOTW. After last weeks great subject involving many acts of carnal delights, some genuine lol jems, and an overall high quality of posts, we are now subjected to a question about people wearing slippers, tutting at any young person they see wearing a hoodie, and writing letters of complain-

-oh.

Yours,

Mr L. King
(Fri 1st May 2009, 14:49, More)

» Letters they'll never read

Here's something that's never going to be read
Dear Reasonable People of the Internet,

Hi, how are you?

Yours,

Mr King
(Mon 8th Mar 2010, 14:28, More)

» Prejudice

Hipsters
Those rich fuckers in their early twenties who wear the skinny fit jeans, the fucking dream catchers in their ears instead of earrings, have fucked up facial hair (even thought they aren't old enough to grow anything more than whispy face pubes).

The cunts who's idea of a week's work is going to the cash point and withdrawing the money mummy and daddy put in their for them to get them through a hard week ahead snorting coke and drinking shit imported beer.

Those twats who can't go through a sentence without saying "like" at least five or six times. i.e. "It was like so like you know essential that I like, had to be there in person or, like, they'd never have gotten anything done." ARGGGGHHHHHH !

These cunts can't do anything without saying its 'post-modern' or 'ironic'. Even though they have no idea what either of these mean.

They think anyone who's not a pointless waster living off the wealth of their parents who actually spends their day at work earning a living instead of sitting in a coffee shop reading Sylvia Plath is a think twat.

Only listen to music/read books by obscure artists. Shun and hate anything considered popular and then spend all their time telling everyone they meet how fucking special they are because they listen to/read this obscure stuff. They'll use phrases like: "I liked them before they were popular. Now, like, because they're popular I, like, hate them. They sold out." (Coming from a twat wearing designer cloths and a fucking Rolex bought with daddy's profits from that City job he has). And they're so incredibly opinionated and closed-off to any different point of view they'll throw a hissy fit if you don't like exactly what they like - as if you really give a flying fuck either way.

They are always right even though they know abolutely nothing about anything.

They are, in short, mouth-breathing idiots, like.

Cunts.

EDIT: Check out Look At This Fucking Hipser dot com. You'll see what I mean.
(Tue 6th Apr 2010, 13:00, More)

» Turning into your parents

When I was younger having sex
with an older woman used bring me lots of kudos.

Now if I have sex with an older woman I have to bring lots of KY jelly instead.
(Sun 3rd May 2009, 17:56, More)
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