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» That's me on TV!

William G Stewart
first ever post... be gentle! Not particularly funny, just stupid.

Back at school I was always the kid doing stupid dares for no reason. I had snorted sherbert, jumped out of a 1st floor window, and eaten a polo that had been in someones pants. Basically I was minging, and doing all these stupid and unhygienic dares for a small piece of social acceptance.

The stupidest one occurred when I was 17 and in the sixth form. After school I was watching telly with some mates and we were waiting for Countdown (like true maths geeks) and enjoying the finale of 15 to 1. In case you don't know 15 to 1 is a quiz show with 15 contestants that are asked uber-hard questions and whittled down to 3, before a final playoff for the winner. There is no prize money and no kudos, it's just a geeky quiz show.

After the show ended there was an appeal for people to apply as contestants for the next series.

"I dare you to apply for 15 to 1 Jonny Power" said one of my mates.

Being a bit of a loon and never one to turn down a ridiculous dare, I grinned and sent an email requesting an application form. A few days later I had filled it in and sent it off and proceeded to forget all about it.

About a month later I had a shocking letter come through... I had got an audition! All expenses paid for a jolly up to London, get in! I told my parents who announced I was adopted and I bunked the day off school.

I went up to London and sat in a large hall near Putney where about 150 other social retards and geeks were all taking part in a round robin audition. Basically we were grouped into 15 and played a quick version of the game. All I remember was being asked 3 questions and getting the last one right. I was definitely the youngest there by about 20 years.

About another month later I received another letter saying I had been successful and would be recording in a few weeks. That's when the fear and embarrassment of the whole situation set in. I was a prety stupid 17 year old about to go onto national TV to take part in a superhard quiz show, for nothing more than a dare. There was nothing to gain and little pride to lose. All my friends knew I was going on, and so in the end the whole school knew. Going to a Grammar School even the head teacher mentioned it in passing, saying

"Make the school proud, Jonny_Power!"

I definitely didn't make the school proud.

I went up with my mate in the morning for filming at Channel 4 studios. We got there at about 11 and were told we'd have to wait 2 hours because filming had been delayed a bit. That's where we met a couple of Irish Lads who basically had done the same as us, dared one of them to enter and surprisingly managed to blag through the audition. We trotted off to O'Neills across the road and after 3 pints I was feeling a bit more optimistic.

Basically there was little prep, they went over the rules, stuck a bit of makeup on and then the cameras were rolling...

that's when God appeared.

The best part of 15 to 1 is that it's hosted by Colonel Sanders, if instead of making chicken he worked in a library. William G Stewart is a quiz show and student legend, and I was in awe.

He said hello to each of us and then we were on our way.

I got asked two questions, and my answers to both was "sorry I don't know".

My chance at glory was over, I had been eliminated straight away.

My Irish friend standing down the line wasn't any better, he was sweating like a paedo in a playground as he had the hangover from hell... he was eliminated straight away and like me was pretending he didn't care, but we were both crying inside.

We both walked out after the elimination process, and went straight back to the pub. A few weeks later word had got around my friends, family and school that I was going to be on TV. I'm sure the whole school watched it... the next couple of weeks were hell. My new nickname was "sorry I don't know" and I had let the whole school down.

But I did get a photo of the episode signed by William G Stewart, which has pride and place above my desk.

Length - about 25 seconds (including opening credits)
(Thu 11th Jun 2009, 14:29, More)

» Ouch!

bendy arm
When I was about 10, I was pissing around on our bunk beds, and while on the top bunk I put my arm underneath the side bar to reach down to something my brother was passing up to me. However I over balanced and fell off the top bunk, with my arm still under the bar. Both my ulna and radius bones snapped and I was left hanging off the side of the bed and suspended by my now u-shaped arm. I fell down to the floor with my arm flopping about... absolutely horrific. My dad is a doctor and my mum is a nurse, and both were properly freaked out after coming into a room with me and my brother screaming... I think they expected us to be fighting, and not that my arm was now pointing to hong-kong!

After 6 weeks in plaster, I was playing at the local summer youth thing, I'd literally had my arm out of plaster for 1 day and I fell over and it broke again. 12 weeks in plaster across the whole of the summer holiday wasn't fun!
(Tue 3rd Aug 2010, 14:06, More)

» Guilty Laughs

Speed Awareness Course
I had to go on a Speed Awareness Course after being caught doing 57 in a 50. It's a bit of a touch, as no points, and the cost of the course is £60 which is equivalent to the fine.

Anyway, the course was really awful... the guy was extremely patronising whilst trying to be all 'matey'. There were a few nutters doing the course, including a couple of elderly women who clearly had an issue with lorry drivers (incidently representing about 1/2 the people on the course!). They constantly insulted lorry drivers and you could see them getting madder and madder. I was waiting for one of them to say "and they murder prostitutes too!".

Anyhow, the discussion was about how speeding is dangerous... and one of the old dears got onto the topic of horses, and about how speeding past a horse could cause spook the horse and it could be dangerous. The bloke thought this was a revelation, who gives a shit that speedings dangerous to drivers, passengers and other humans... it's HORSES we should be concerned about! He then proceeded to say "who would win between a horse and a car?!"... at which point I completely lost it, and did one of those half-cry half-squeals as I failed to suppress my giggles... there was some bungee-snot too as I bit my lip and covered my face with my hands and shook with silent laughter. The whole room turned and looked at me like I'd just shot a horse there and then and run it over in my Honda Accord.

Length - about 1 inch, but soon shot back up my nostril.
(Fri 23rd Jul 2010, 11:02, More)