» Helicopter Parents

you cant be too careful...
my parents once dragged me along with them when they went on holiday with their best mates, who also had a son my age so wasnt all bad.

end of the two weeks and we were delayed going home, so much so that they put us up in a hotel for 24 hours. As the hotel was fully booked, we were all squeezed into the entertainments room. whilst there, the lad I was with spied a group 3 girls. being 14, and walking hard on's, we made our move and started chatting to them.

after a couple of hours or so, remarkably we seemed to be making some progress until, my mates mum chose to shout across the dance floor
"simon? SIMON? DO YOU NEED A WEE?"

never have you seen a human being turn so red, the promise of some horizontal jogging disappearing in a flash.

of no relevance to the story but Simon was also a doppelganger for Reg out of the bill, so much so that the whole pub stills calls him Reg to this day.
(Thu 10th Sep 2009, 22:46, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

two things that make me giggle like a six year old
sitting in a trap in a public toilet, when the bloke in the next trap farts.

which leads to the second thing, which is when i laugh out loud at the fart, the fartee then joins in and you have two fully grown blokes, sitting in a public loo, having a dump and giggling like kids.
(Fri 18th Sep 2009, 14:09, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

old ones are the best.
after sitting on the settee with my missus, and moaning how much my fingers were aching from typing all day, i asked her to "just stretch my finger" she pulls

*MASSIVE fart*

she wasnt impressed, but im still laughing 3 hours later.
(Thu 17th Sep 2009, 23:13, More)

» Tactless

Movember
A couple of years ago, I took part in Movember (where you grow a 'tache throughout november to raise money for charidee). A couple of weeks in and the sex offender tache was coming along nicely.

Whilst waiting at the bus stop one night after work, I saw a young chap with an equally shocking 'tache as mine. We looked at each other, gave each other an awkward nod in recognition of how stupid we both looked, which prompted me to say

"Movember mate?"
"Ey?" says this lad.
"Your 'tache mate, you growing it for charity?"
"no.."
I think I'll walk home.
(Sat 5th Nov 2011, 17:39, More)

» Helicopter Parents

I live in a house.
long, long time lurker, first time poster.

back in the day when I wasnt a fat, lazy bastard, i used to play a lot of football. One particular game we were playing our local rivals in a derby game that matched celtic rangers for hate.
Playing left back I modelled myself on stuart "psycho" pearce, hence I set about kicking seven shades out of the oppositions right midfielder for the whole of the first half. Aside from the fact it was our local rivals, me and this lad had a bit of history, so everytime he got the ball, SMASH, I'd clatter into him (so much so that I'd even cracked one of his shin pads). oooh, I was hard.

Second half starts, and I carry on my assaulting of this player. Only this time, we're playing the other way. (as you change half's at half time for non football fans). The side where our parents are stood.
The ball is played out wide, in the air, towards my opponent. Eager to piss him off, I did the old trick of jumping for the ball, but 'accidentally' launching myself off his foot. He is naturally pissed off and turns round and calls me a twat.

at which point, my mother decides to shout " he doesnt live in a flat".
Hard man image ruined in an instant. my opponent didnt stop laughing for at least five minutes.

I didnt speak to her for two weeks.
(Thu 10th Sep 2009, 22:30, More)