b3ta.com user Chumfatty
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Love this site, some genuinely funny and talented people on here. I'm an occaisonal photoshopper when the hummus is just right, here's some of my stuff here.

Chumfatty group

Some of my fave stuff i have done.
One of my first posts.

This one did the rounds on some powerpoint presentation sent to inboxes around the world, also included loads of other stuff nicked from B3ta.

Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Pure Ignorance

I see there is a lot about americans here......
..well i won't disappoint. A work collegue of mine has a friend who works as an Air Stewardess for British Airways, who regulary do flights from Uk to American for those who didn't know.

Anyway on a flight from one to the other (not sure which but over the Atlantic) an American gentleman asks for a cup of Coffee with cream.

Unfortunately they had run out of cream so the gent was asked if milk would suffice to which he pleasantly replied yes. The Stewardess hands the gent his coffee and two of those little tubs of milk. The worldly American studies the milk tub looking awfully confused and after a brief moment, turns to the stewardess asks, 'What kind of animal is a UHT !?'
(Fri 7th Jan 2005, 18:17, More)

» Fancy Dress

When I were a wee schoolad we had a Comic relief Fancy Dress thingy at school. Me and my girlfriend at the time decided to hire out costumes rather than make our own. I chose a Pinstripe Gangster outfit, and she chose Nurse.

Anyway to advoid catching the bus to school wearing silly outfits we decided to meet up at school and get changed in the loos, Only she had yet to try Hers on. Panicking she came to me saying the Outfit was too revealing and she couldn't wear it and we had to swap. Now she was my first real girlfriend and I didn't want threat of a break up, so we swapped. Unfortunately all these shannanigans made us late for morning assembley (the whole school), so cue me trying to sneak in unnoticed. No such luck, as soon as I opened the door, the Head Teacher diverted every pupil to look my way, I was mortified, but apparently I had nice legs.
(Thu 12th Jan 2006, 22:57, More)

» Impromptu Games You Play

Banned Tandy
Me and a friend used to regulary frequent various Tandy outlets in and around Birmingham. For those too young to remember Tandy shops think of a cheaper version of Dixons. Anyhoo Tandy always had Keyboards( or sythnesiszers as the kids call them) on display and fully plugged in for you to have a mess about on, so me a my mate used to see how long we could last playing as loud and as bad as we can too the Bossa Nova beat, and not get chucked out. I lasted a whole 10mins on a busy saturday morning once.
(Thu 1st Apr 2004, 10:59, More)

» Embarrassing Injuries

I was out in the fields up the road from where I lived, taking a short cut to my mates house
I was desperate for a piss so decided to go in a nearby trench seperating two fields and covered by a holly bush/bramble type affair. Anyhoo as it was a cold day I found myself mesmerised by the steam coming from my wee, so much so, that I had not realised I was staring straight at some middle aged woman walking her dog. She seemed a bit pissed off and asked me what I was doing, I frantically pulled up my zip, catching the skin of my little lad in same and said 'I'm looking for my dog' in a high pitch screech then ran off.

On closer inspection I had managed to get my zip all the way up but half way down was a little bubble of skin. I had no other choice but to pull it down causing excruciating pain to the little fella.
(Fri 3rd Sep 2004, 22:49, More)

» Impromptu Games You Play

Good lord just remmembered another.
In my last job myself and a collegue would regulary have meetings with our Boss, to discuss issues with workloads staff etc. Before we go into the meeting we would choose a single word such as 'Buffalo'and then see how many times we could say 'buffalo' in work related scenarios. One of us would then keep score on a notepad making it look like we were taking notes. If the word usage was questioned by the boss then it didn't count. We also did it with song names, in particular Metallica song names.
(Thu 1st Apr 2004, 11:22, More)
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