b3ta.com user DinivanX
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Lurking in dark corners.

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» More Pet Stories

I had a half ginger tom, half siamese psycho cat
It was the size and colour of a conventional tomcat but with the physique of a siamese, so basically it was a scaled down tiger.

We used to live in a house that backed onto a lake in a park, so it was always bringing interesting presents back, such as frogs (who scream like children and piss themselves when you try and rescue the fuckers), little birds and sometimes fish.

However one day I started hearing an almighty racket from the kitchen, where the cat flap was located. I rushed down to find the normal siamese on the inside of the cat flap and the masssive ginger one on the outside and a really confused and livid goose stuck halfway in and out of the cat flap.

To this day I've got no idea how the insane little fecker had managed not only to get hold of a goose, but somehow get it over an 7 foot fence, drag it down the garden and then shove its head in through the cat flap and then enlist the help of the other cat, or what it thought it would do with it once it got it in.
(Fri 1st Feb 2013, 10:20, More)

» "Needless to say, I had the last laugh"

I was sitting in my chair, on the balcony, enjoying my brunch criossant in the delightful sun, reading the paper, when the rude serving boy who had incorrectly poured the cream into my coffee tripped and fell into the road below.

Needless to say I had the last laugh.
(Sat 5th Feb 2011, 0:58, More)


It was Christmas in 90's Muswell Hill
As was traditional, after my folks fell asleep on the sofa early evening, my buddy Chris and I would attempt to locate an open pub anywhere in the surrounding 5 miles by the time honoured method of "Wandering around with a bag of booze".

Eventually we rocked up at the Old White Lion in east finchley and proceeded to really get into the Christmas Spirit.

As always happens on Christmas the only open pub in the area always attracts anyone out of their homes and so the mix of people is "eclectic".

The posh boys from Highgate, the tendies from muswell hill, the chavs from Finchley..everyone was there.

Whilst we minded our own business four separate fights broke out in one two hour period, the police were called 5-6 times and two ambulances took away glassing victims.

Every single one of the fights were started by the public school boys from Highgate and every single arrest was one of the chavs.

The moral of the story - Put on a posh accent when the police turn up and you can get away with almost anything.
(Thu 14th Mar 2013, 14:51, More)

» Made me laugh

The view from my "Easy Hotel" room in old street
Basic I understand...but this was fucking funny:

(Tue 11th Dec 2012, 15:58, More)

» More Terrible Hotels

Pearoast - The Easy Hotel
I think the picture says it all really. Basic is fine, but this is probably not conducive to a good night's sleep

(Fri 28th Nov 2014, 13:05, More)
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