b3ta.com user pooster
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» Stupid Colleagues

Brown soup
I used to work as a kitchen bitch for a fairly well-known pub/restaurant chain. It has a set menu in all its pubs for which they supply cards telling you how to prepare each meal and present it, with an accompanying photo just so you could be sure. At the time they did a chocolate bombe but because it was launched just after 9/11 it was renamed a truffle ice. To present it, you placed it in a bowl and sprinkled chocolate over the top, probably the easiest thing in the whole place to make.

One guy I worked with had an aversion to the recipe cards and seemed to think he knew how to make everything perfectly already through divine inspiration or something. One day when we were both working one of these puddings got ordered and he made it and sent it upstairs. About two minutes later a manager rang the kitchen and asked me to go and look at the truffle ice the guy had sent up. In the lift was a bowl of brown soup. Rather than read the card and this being his first one, he had guessed that he had to microwave the truffle ice. Bewildered I asked him why he had done that. 'Because it was cold' was the reply I got.

Why? Why? The clue is in the name. The mind still boggles on that one.
(Fri 4th Mar 2011, 23:22, More)

» Letters they'll never read

dear brother
Sorry I annoyed you so much. Sorry that we never got to hang out as we got older. Sorry that you couldn't see who I became. Sorry that you never got to meet B or come to the wedding. Wish I'd got to know you better and we hadn't had all the stupid sibling fights. Sorry for every time growing up I said I hated you. You kicked ass really.

Still think about you daily-even though it's been over a decade now.

Miss you so much bro,

(Fri 5th Mar 2010, 23:18, More)

» Tantrums

Fork throwing brother versus fork in face brother again
My little brother is the youngest of four and when he was younger was used to getting more attention as he was the baby of the family. He didn't like it when somebody else was taking up time with our parents that he felt should only belong to him. One day our parents took us to a park that had a wee castle you could climb with a slide on it. For some reason my middle brother took it into his head to jump off it. He was probably about 9 and LB would have been 5.

Although it was probably only about 8 feet to the ground, MB landed badly and ended up with a sore ankle. This meant that when we got home our parents were fussing over him and bringing his food over to him whilst we had to serve ourselves. Little brother as it turns out, has issues with this as he feels that our parents time would be better spent with him.

Out of nowhere a shoe comes flying across the garden amazingly hitting MB's bad ankle. Turning, my Dad sees LB standing there with an angry expression on his face. Dad rants and LB starts going into hysterics. Eventually Dad gets him to calm down enough to explain why he did it. Clearly LB can't say he was jealous so must think of a better reason to deliberately attack his already injured older sibling.

"Because he was naughty" sobs LB.

Dad enquires as to how MB was naughty.

"B-because he shouldn't have jumped off the castle."

Aaah, little brother-you rock.
(Mon 23rd Jul 2012, 21:06, More)

» What nonsense did you believe in as a kid?

That cars had special switches for roundabouts
When approaching roundabouts as a child, it was a common event for me and my brothers to start screaming. This is because our dad had told us that there was a switch in the car and if he forgot to flick it then we would keep going around and around if we screamed. Sometimes he would have already remembered to flick the switch but sometimes we would go round until he could get to the switch. I remember hoping that if we did it for long enough we'd miss school.

Looking back, I wonder what made him think that driving with four screaming kids would be a fun way to pass the time and how long before he regretted his deception.
(Sat 21st Jan 2012, 15:00, More)

» Tactless

I'm totally the favourite so it's all good
I'm the only girl out of my siblings, with two older brothers and one younger. Back in the day it wasn't customary for the dad to be in the delivery room and so, when I was born, my dad was waiting outside whilst my mother squeezed me out. When the midwife came out to tell him that he now had a daughter, my dad's first words were:

"Well, you can't be lucky every time".

The midwife was unimpressed and told my mum. Cue nearly 30 years of me being told this story every time my mum was full of rage against my dad. Pretty much daily then.

EDIT: He was only joking. I don't think he really knew what to say and didn't realise that the midwife would take him seriously. Oops.
(Sat 5th Nov 2011, 23:27, More)
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