b3ta.com user Erasmusmicroman
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» Celebrities part II

Picture the scene:

10pm-ish, Maggies Beach House (hostel), Magnetic Island, Australia. Year? 2000.

I was getting nicely spannered with some new friends who tonight mostly resembled a tranny version of The Pussycat Dolls, as that night was cross-dressing night. And although I am comfortable with my sexuality I did not feel it necessary to dress like a twat.
Anyway, the crowd parts and Mr Sid Owen (Ricky Butcher from eastenders fyi) walks into the hostel with a most delectable blonde on his arm. Takes a seat and proceeds to get bladdered with the rest of us.
Now, he was sitting amongst a mixture of nationalities the majority of whom were British. So we all knew who he was and were quite excited to have a celebrity among us. Especially as he was happily chatting with us all like a normal member of society.
The Americans did not have a fucking clue who he was.
He decided he needed a drink and got up to from the table to go to the bar and accidentally nudged an American female and her drink. She wasn't very impressed and hurled a tirade of abuse at him which culminated with him advising her that she was a "Cunt" of the highest order and can fuck off. This made me giggle like a loon so I was told to "shut the fuck up" by said American. Charming.
Later I met him at the bar and brought up the episode. He was like, "Oh that fucking cunt? Yeah what a bitch. Fucking cunt. So how long you been travelling?"
With that he bought me a pint and we had a little chat and off he went.

Now I did mention that this was cross-dressing night. One of my travelling buddys, Tom, was done up to the nines with a nice glittery dress and high heels, tights, water-filled condom tits, the lot. All the 'ladies' were called up to the mic to introduce themselves and say a little about themselves. Can you see where this is heading yet?
Tom goes up:

"Yeah, my names Bianca and I'm here with me boyfriend *points at Sid* Riiiiiccccckkkkkaaaaaaayy!!!!!"

Sid stood up, pointed right at him and shouted, "Fuck you you fucking wanker cunt".

And that is my story. Lurked for about 5 years.

Bye-bye B3ta cherry.
(Thu 8th Oct 2009, 20:10, More)

» I should have been arrested

Story to follow - honest


It's 1997 - Summer
Myself, my mate and our girlfriends were preparing to go to the Hippo Club in Cardiff. We'd already taken 1 gram of speed each and still had about 6 grams left on us. My mate (who was driving) lifted up the back seat of his car and hid them there. We then parked opposite the club and got out of the car. Suddenly two plain-clothes officers appeared and told us they were doing a random search, but that the girls could leave. So my mate and I emptied our pockets safe in the knowledge we were holding nothing, but also shitting ourselves should they check the back seat.
They then began searching the car. They checked everywhere. When they got to the back seats they picked up some coats that were there. I glanced at my mate who just turned white. Surely they were going lift the seat and check! My heart was beating like a fucked clock, my thumbs had gone weird; the lot.

"Ok lads, you can go. We've had reports of drugs being dealt in that club so be safe."

They put the coats back, wished us well and fucked off.

I have never sobered up so quickly in my life, the speed buzz was gone, replaced by my asshole quivering like a rabbit's nostril. It ruined the night for me. But at least we weren't arrested.

There are of course many other episodes but this one has always stuck in my mind.
(Thu 26th Jan 2012, 13:41, More)

» Twattery

Motorway Madness
The other night I was driving back home on the M4 after visiting a purveyor of medicinal herbs. Doing 90mph quite comfortably in the fast lane when I happened to just glance in my rearview mirror. SHIT ON TOAST! There's a fucking Beamer right up my arse, WITH NO FUCKING LIGHTS ON!
Now, the part of the motorway I was on isn't lit at night so I can only assume it was fucking Riddick in the driver seat. Anyway, I pulled over to the middle lane only to witness that trademark of BMW drivers everywhere, the 'I'm-going-exceedingly-faster-than-yew' woosh as the prick zoomed off into the night.

(Wed 18th Apr 2012, 16:24, More)

» Creepy!

The Residents


This. Just this.
(Sat 9th Apr 2011, 21:40, More)

» Protest!

Bindun surely?
Isn't this question a repeat of:



*chains self to PC*
(Thu 11th Nov 2010, 12:53, More)
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