» I don't understand the attraction

Things Stimpy Does Not Get or Understand The Attraction Of
I’m sure many of these have been done before. Here’s my take on them. And it’s sadly not funny.

The Daily Mail, and tabloids in general, and most of the time other newspapers
Why? Newspapers are just that – papers full of news. News on a variety of topics, be it what’s going on in the world, the arts, food, whatever. The tabloids seem though to think their readership needs to be told what to think. I am fed up of going in to my favourite drinking establishment for the partaking of drinking fizzy falling down water only to be treated to the regurgitated outpourings of whatever left or right wing spackers that the paper has hired to flesh out its insubstantial reporting with opinion pieces. I will happily read what is going on, decide if you’re telling the truth about it (and I knew plenty of examples where they are not) and that is all I want you to do. I do not want to be told “This is going to be really bad because of all the pedofiles OMGLOLRZ0R!!!!111!!” I can make that decision myself. Normally, I would live and let live – people can read what they want. But I worry that this is dangerous. News reporters have an insane amount of power, and so many do not seem to treat this power with the respect it deserves. I like to think most people are quite intelligent and they can think for themselves if they believe something is true or not. But a little twisting of the facts, and they can influence people in a massive way. I don’t see the attraction of reading something that has its own pretty clear political agenda, no matter how much they try to deny it to us.

Also, Page 3? No thanks.

Anti-intellectualism
Leading on from the papers. There seems to be a current fad, within media and without, of branding those who work in universities and research establishments as intellectuals living in an ivory tower and completely out of contact with the real world. People being proud of having lived in the same shitty little village all their life, seeing the same people, left school at 14 and never bothering to learn much about the world around them. People who distrust anyone who might think about the world around them, how it could be made better, for themselves of others. People who “don’t hold truck with that reading business”. People proud of the fact they never went to university or any higher education. Fine, if that’s what you want. But why brag about the this. Why are you proud you are uneducated? You’re stuck. You aren’t going anywhere, you’re just going to stagnate. While the rest of us who do put the effort in are going to get all those nice toys you’ve seen on your TV, or even invent some of them, you’re just going to stay rotted in your shitty little place. What is there to be proud of? While I agree, some academics and researchers can be pretty out of touch, most of them are real people just like you, making ends meet and going out and having fun with friends, in general pretty much in touch with and a part of the fabric of life. Rakky and CHCB are two prominent examples on this board, and I’m sure that there are many, many more on here. I’m not going for those who can’t get it. I’m going for those who don’t want it. I just don’t get why not having an education makes you better than those who do, nor do I understand why you want to not have such a thing.

Sex and the City, Big Brother, Friends, E4 - hell, just most TV
Apparantly, being female and in my 20’s, I should love all three of the above mentioned programs. Why? I don’t like going clothes shopping (unless you point me in the direction of Camden), I don’t like watching idiots (as shown above) do nothing then get a big slice of advertising revenue and outside of the The Big Bang Theory the US hasn’t made a funny sitcom in… er… actually, I don’t remember any good ones. E4 I have picked as my target in particular, as it’s full of these things. The rest of television gets it as well, it’s mostly drivel, with the occasional gem. I have only one reason for owning a television and a Sky subscription, and that’s for the film channels, as I tend to get to see things I wouldn’t normally think about. The rest of it I can get on TV catchup services, when I want. Television – it’s boring.

Sport – or more specifically, taking part in the fandom
Football, I’m looking at you here. Why should I care about X team kicking a piece of dead pig in to a fishing net more than Y team? Why should I care when car Z goes around a road 0.001s faster than the rest of the cars? Why is it such a passion? I don’t get it, in the slightest. Athletes pushing themselves to their limits, getting better and better, the teamwork involved in some of these, the technological improvements that some of these sports bring. These are all good. But why do people have to get so rabid about it? Is it some sort of wanting to belong to an extended family? If the money that was involved put in other directions, like the sciences, I could be writing this just by thinking to my computer. Sports fandom, I just don’t get it.

Russell Brand
Not funny, not attractive. A big mouthed charismatic LIAR. IS NOT FUNNY.

Taking the piss out of people who might be just that little bit different
I’m not exactly the most stereotypically normal girl. What sparked this off is that I read a lot of T-girl blogs, and a recurring theme is the abuse they get. Why is it funny to point out that someone is a bit different to you? Why do we take the piss out of the religious people who are in every other way just like everyone else, just they believe in a person in the sky and spend some time worshipping them. I’m not on about the ones who shove it down your throat, they can fuck off. But why is abusing someone because they are slightly different to you funny? Is it because you’re scared of them? I’m not. They’re a different person, and the differences are interesting.

Mac/PC, PS3 vs Xbox 360 – fandom redux
So someone likes a different system to you. So what? They all have their merits, else why would they be selling like they do? It’s no reason to take a person apart about it. I can’t stand MacOS, yet I won’t stop someone using it if that’s what they want. Getting all rabid about something that nobody who’s actually involved with it will give a flying damn about, it’s pointless. This is actually making football fans start to make sense – at least the players acknowledge and thank the fans for their support.

It’s a good source of amusement though, particularly the games consoles one. Just head to any biggish gaming website, pick a time when you know the American kids will be at home and troll. You could probably make a drinking game out of it, with different drinks taken for the different stereotypical insults – your mum, questioning of sexuality and Jew insults being among the most popular. Try it some time.

Amaretto
It’s just horrible.

Gossip mags
People famous for being famous. Well, you’re not in my world. I don’t who “Chanelle” or “David” or “Sir Wibblesteen the II” is. I don’t know what their wearing, nor do I care that they got their tits out at yet another vacuous nightclub. The only way they can get support is through these badly written magazines, full of pictures and articles telling you what you should be doing RIGHT NOW to be more like these idols who are just so perfect. Plus there are my two favourite sections – “True Stories” (they’re not, they could make the tabloids look like bastions of fine reporting and the Truth) and “What men REALLY think about” (again, lies. My boys want through one of the sections and were hysterical at some of the things in there. If you want to find out what a male thinks, ask one). Appealing to the lowest common denominator, I don’t understand why anyone would want to read one, if you can call it reading.

Pink
I wish I was colourblind so I wouldn’t have to see this horrible colour.

Porn stars
Oh my. Fake titted, long nailed (OUCH!), over made up tramps with a clunge the size of Jade Goody’s rotting pie hole. How on earth can anyone find these… things attractive. I’ve had some fun time with my lady friends, true, but not once have I ever heard them emitting the moans and gasps that I’ve heard coming out of these munters mouths.

Then there are the men. Hairy, ugly, overweight. Or toned, fake tanned and equally slipping away. Both coming out with utter rubbish from their mouths, doing the most stupid things (I don’t particularly like having my cheeks slapped with a cock, why would you want to do it?) in the name of erotic entertainment.

Give me some decent amateur porn any day, where the people look like actual people. At least you could imagine you’re there with more pleasure

Clubbing, and the people therein
It’s expensive. It smells. The music is shit. And the people seem to be doing their damned best to look like the porn stars.

The military
I’m not saying get rid of it. I just don’t understand it. I don’t see why I should hero worship people who are going and doing things I don’t agree with. Yes, they have some shocking conditions to live with and they work bloody hard. But it’s pointless hardship. They don’t need to be going and doing those things, and nor do they need to be protected and coddled how they are.

/talk
I’ve tried. But I still don’t understand why /talk is amusing or superior to anything else.
(Fri 16th Oct 2009, 10:20, More)

» IT Support

I expect to see this many times


I've seen it in printed out in both our site's IT departments.

Courtesy of XKCD
(Thu 24th Sep 2009, 13:24, More)

» The most childish thing you've done as an adult

This one's been done over the last few days
At work, we have a portable air conditioner as the company is too sodding stingy to install the proper stuff. It's got a long exhaust hose at the back that can be squeezed down to make it smaller when in storage, making it look like a flaccid elephants cock.

I've taken to standing behind a well known giggler in the office when they're on the phone, holding it at groin level where my cock would be if I actually had one. She's started shielding her eyes so she can't see me holding it there. When I judge a suitable point in the conversation has been reached.... "BLOOOOOP" I shake the tube and it flops down to the floor, causing instantaeous laughter, slamming of phones and several minutes of abuse.
(Wed 23rd Sep 2009, 12:47, More)

» Teenage Crushes - Part Two

Not on of mine im afraid
So here is one of my sisters' instead.

Back when the first LOTR film came out, I came in posession on my sisters old mobile (hand me down). Insert SIM, power on - welcome message comes up: "EW is hot". Puzzled over that one for a while. Asked friends at school who it could be... then it was pointed out that the initials of the rather old, shouty head of site's initials. I don't think she's ever forgiven me for how fast that went around the school.

It was actually Elijah Wood, but still good for a tease. I believe she is still getting it now.
(Wed 11th Nov 2009, 18:45, More)

» Sexual fetishes

Late one
Mine is an actual fetish, a thing that just by looking at it, hearing it, even the smell it leaves makes me tremle at the knees. It is... Rain.

Specifically, heavy rain during a storm. With thinder and lightening, even batter. I can do out and dance naked in it in the garden, the hard drops of water hitting my flesh and covering me in slippery goodness before running inside and drying myself off with a warm fluffy towel. Hearing the rain thump and rattle against the window as I'm curled up under a blanket, with me warm and safe inside whilst the weather throws it's worst outside. The smell of damp vegetation as the sun shines through after the worst storm, certainly make my knickers get a bit damp. I even know where it comes from.

Just after boy #2 had moved in with me and #1, we went camping for a week. One night, there was an awful storm - rain so noisy against the canvas, wind whistling through the trees and lightening cracking every now and again, lighting up the inside of the tent. What you would have seen in those brief flashes of light would have been a tangle of limbs, six hadn caressing three naked bodies, three sets of lips playing on six nipples, tongue entering mouthes and playing with bodies as some body parts entered others.

As the storm reached it crescendo, I climbed on top of #2, gripping him tight and kissing him hard, running my hands down his chest... #1 pushed me agsint him and climbed on top of me. Support my weight on my arms, two people I love both sliding in and out of me, with the howling and drumming of the wind and the rain masking our pants and groans. That is one of the few times the three of us all came together, and possible the most intense experience of my life. Just seeing rain takes me right back there in to my tent and makes me walk a little bit funny... should I move to the desert?
(Thu 29th Oct 2009, 8:42, More)