Straight to hell I tell you


True though!
(Fri 10th Jan 2003, 13:53, More)

» Shame

Drunken Shocker
When I was about 19/20 I worked in a mobile phone shop as a part time job to pay for my beer at Uni. One night we finished work at 6ish and hit the pubs. We were still drinking at 11 and made it to another bar which was open till 12. We ordered some vodka which turned out to be doubles. I drank my share and headed off across the road to get some pizza for the mile walk home. I noticed the vodkas were doubles as soon as i stepped outside the bar and the cold January air hit me. I finished my pizza and said my goodbyes to the others who walked a different way. About 1/2 way home i needed to empty some beer and vodka from my bladder. I nipped across the road into some roadside woodland and took about 10 paces in and relieved myself. The next thing i remember is looking up at the black/blue sky through trees and seeing stars on what was a particularly clear night. Bearing in mind this was mid Jan and about -2 i was COLD. However having been asleep and still a bit drunk i tried to get back to sleep without really knowing where i was. In my favour it was just slightly too cold so i thought i had better go home. I stood up to find my trousers around my feet and not knowing what time it was i staggered back to the road through the trees. I called my mate to see what the time was and to inform him of my adventure and near hypothermia death experience. At this time he was working in a DIY store and that night they were doing a stock audit overnight. He answered the phone and became instantly aware of my drunkenness so kindly put my call on the over store announcement system. So. 15 employees listened to my trousers round shoes, sleeping in bush, in pool of own urine story, unbeknown to me. It was not till the next day that i popped into this store to rapturous applause that I realised what had happened. What a cock!
(Fri 25th Nov 2005, 10:17, More)

» Strange things you've been paid to do

Body Shop
A friend of mine was once employed by the Body Shop factory to peel bananas. They put you in a small room on your own for no more than 1 hour and you do nothing but peel bananas and separate skin from fruit for their scrubs etc. Apparently after an hour you are on the verge of madness so they rotate you out... Another friend had to work in a heinz factory taking out the black beans from the baked bean convayor belt before they went into the sauce/tinning machine.
(Thu 30th Sep 2004, 10:42, More)

» Have you ever been dumped in a spectacular way?

Not me but a mate...
He had been seeing this girl for a while and had decided enough was enough. He called her round to his place for what can only be described as farewell sex. She was not aware this was going to be her last "go". He does the job and gets off her to go have a shower, he pops his head back round the bedroom door and said "Yeah thanks for that but I never want to see you again. Bye!" He then waited in the shower till she left. He was lucky in my opinion to have none of his stuff damaged.
(Fri 18th Jun 2004, 9:42, More)

» Oldies vs Computers

Internet Down!
I once worked for an ISP who will remain unnamed. Not only was I the Helpdesk Manager but I was the last line of defence should calls get too hectic. One day our switch broke basically meaning customers couldn't connect to the net. This old lady didn't really understand and was addement on getting me to check the settings on her machine that had been working till this morning!! As you can imagine we had hundereds of other people calling and to get this old dear off the phone I had to tell her that "The whole Internet is down today and nobody can get on" Strangely enought she took this as a solution and went on her merry way ?!?
(Mon 25th Sep 2006, 10:07, More)

» I'm an expert

Pro Evo Soccer 4
I am the master. I am sure there is someone who can beat me but i am yet to find them.
Also pretty good at Mario Kart on the SNES. I know everyone says this but i actually am.
(Tue 28th Jun 2005, 10:36, More)