b3ta.com user IHateSprouts
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» Morning After Souvenirs

I once woke up on a pallet in the middle of a field in mid Wales...
...with my jeans pulled down, a dog asleep beside me, a cold curry butty on a plate on the ground and bloke having a shit nearby.

I wasn't at a festival, or anything. I don't know how I got there.
(Thu 26th Apr 2012, 15:58, More)

» Corporate Idiocy

I applied for a temp Christmas job with Royal Mail and they insisted I apply online, as they refused to accept postal applications

(Sat 25th Feb 2012, 0:08, More)

» Messing with people's heads

An American came to visit
Many years back, I was part of a volunteering group, who were close-knit socially and tended to hang out a lot. One summer, an eager American college student who was a pen friend of one of us came to stay. We welcomed the gushing, grinning lad and took turns in hosting him. He said he wanted to learn all about British culture, so we convinced him that:

* Poking your head out of a car window with a yell of "Wanker!" is a chirpy British greeting.

* Welsh people are called "Whalies" and their currency is "Whale coin". We got him to pop into a bank on the way to Wales to change £40 into whale coin so he'd have some spends. (He was in there a good while before re-emerging, scratching his head and protesting about the manager.)

* The traditional British breakfast is fried bread butties. We had him grinning like a loon while frying hunks of bread, sandwiching between two dry slices and serving them up to bemused guests.

* People playing guitars in subways etc. are immigration agents who work for the police, and they'll arrest anybody with a non-British accent. When seeing them, approach them first, announce your name and country of residence and show them all your papers.

* If striking up conversation with strangers (e.g. on a bus), a good, safe and neutral topic is farts.

...plus other stuff I can't remember. He took it in good spirit, when he eventually sussed us out.
(Sun 15th Jan 2012, 9:41, More)

» Protest!

I don't understand people who never protest about anything
Sneering at people with ethical views or who fight for better working conditions is just a sad way for doormats to cover up their own passive attitude.
(Fri 12th Nov 2010, 17:04, More)

» Annoying words and phrases

"Wellness" and "Healthful"
Two completely pointless and very irritating words that have no fucking reason to exist.
(Sat 10th Apr 2010, 22:54, More)
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