b3ta.com user iLLmatic
You are not logged in. Login or Signup
Profile for iLLmatic:
Profile Info:


Recent front page messages:


Best answers to questions:

» Greed

I took
a kick in the balls for £3 when I was 13.
(Fri 15th Apr 2011, 19:50, More)

» Dad stories

~~~~~~~~Wavy lines~~~~~~~~

This makes us both look like twats. I was about 8 years old and around this time my Dad had a massive disagreement with my neighbour who was also the local barber along the road.
So with my hair all shaggy and no barber, guess who decides to cut my hair? Yep, DAD. He told me to sit on his bed which had newspapers all over as if leaving a puppy to piss himself.
About half an hour later, what I wanted as a 3 all over turned out to be a 5 on top, 5 on one side and 3 on the other, with a 4 on the back and a fringe which had its own horror film named after it (any ideas?)
I see it in the mirror and tears flood from my eyes and he said "What's wrong son did I cut your head or something?" With a bit of courage and pissed off about the hair rape, I turn around and blurt out in my Geordie twang: "CUT IT? YOU'VE FUCKING MASSACRED IT!!" And then in an American accent (Fuck knows why) I shout "IT'S HIDEOUS"

Within 5 seconds of it being said my Dad was pointing at me and crying with laughter. God I love him. :D
(Fri 26th Nov 2010, 23:41, More)

» The B3TA Confessional

Poor birdy
Quite a few years back, me and my mates were doing the usual shit(pissing about, griefing old people and such), when we seen a bird nest up a not so strong tree. After an hour of tree shaking one egg hatched and moved ever so closer to the edge and was about to fall off. As I was made to be the catcher, I stood chin up, arms stretched out. For those who haven't seen a fresh egg hatched at the age that I was I can assure you that it looked absolutley grotesque. It fell towards the floor with speed and everybody was shouting at me to catch it until I got a full glimpse of this mong bird.

"Errr fuck that I'm not catching it" I yelled

I moved my arms apart and connected with it full force with my foot and it splatted off a tree. Realising it's quick and bloody demise had to be covered up, we stuffed it in a cigarette box and buried that too. Despite the LOL's we had at the time, guilt took over and I cried when I went to bed.

Length? About 6 foot before it hit the tree.
(Fri 27th Aug 2010, 14:56, More)

» B3ta Person of the Year 2010

Brian Blessed beards down

(Sat 18th Dec 2010, 21:28, More)

» What was I thinking?

I swapped
A Machamp for a Jungleized Pikachu!

What was I thinking?
(Sun 26th Sep 2010, 14:09, More)
[read all their answers]